Sad Bastard of the Week: keep your accidents to yourself
Posted at 11:30 AM Jun 02, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
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Today's Dear Abby contains just such assholery. And for that, it is the Sad Bastard of the Week. "Daddy Who Cares" may have laid it on thick in his signature, but he might just be trying to balance the supreme crazy of his soon-to-be ex-wife:
Does Abby agree? Of course Abby does not agree, because no one in their right mind ever would. Everybody loses here, especially the daughter. And Abby says so:Fourteen years ago, when my wife became pregnant with Gina, we had talked about abortion. We even had an appointment scheduled, but on the day of the appointment we decided not to go through with it. I thank God that we did have our child.
Gina knows nothing about any of this, but my future ex has threatened to tell her. My daughter is mature for her age and intelligent, but I feel the time is not right for her to know. Given the situation, I feel she should hear it from me because of the close relationship we have. Do you agree that the news should wait until the divorce is final and the dust settles, or should I tell her now?
"I see no reason your daughter should ever be told that she wasn'tIf "Daddy Who Cares," thinks that "the news" that his daughter was a speculum's length from an abortion is something that has to "wait" or be told "now,"--implying that it should or would be told "ever"--methinks he doth not care that much. More importantly, however, what kind of mother wants to reveal presque-abortion status to her own child? If that's intended to damage the daughter's relationship with her father, sure, it might--but it's also going to raise up some issues with Mom, too.
planned for and wanted. I cannot think of one single positive thing
that being given such news -- by either you or your soon-to-be ex --
would accomplish."
Comments
I'm having a hard time believing that anyone who cares about their child would even take the time to type such a letter to Abby. The now common "You were an accident" doesn't hold a candle to "Sweetie, we really didn't want you. Like, we made an appointment and everything! But now, we're glad we kept you...the power trip in telling you this is amazing!"
Posted 06/02/2009 at 11:55:57 AMI remember going to my ex's brothers wedding a few years back, where the father of the bride (who said ex had to be physically held back from hitting afterwards) during his speech actually used the story of how he and the brides mother were going to abort her, but then decided not to - and how happy he was that they didn't... As the speech meandered onto the fact that this meant they kept the older sisters baby things I still remember the look on the poor womans face...
Posted 06/03/2009 at 07:05:41 PMIf my parents told me that, I'd chuckle. Who cares? That is the same as telling a kid they are adopted. When you are old enough to know your parents are humans who make mistakes, then you are old enough to know they made MANY mistakes with you already. Your mom forgot your birthday. Your dad never went to your games. Your mom made you miss prom because she had a breakdown. Your dad lost your science project. Whatever. Guess what? They made mistakes BEFORE you were born too. Mom had a glass of wine when she was pregnant. And smoked. Dad tripped and fell on mom during sex, hurting her tummy. Whatever. If you can't handle that your parents were insecure and scared and worried about loving a child enough to raise him/her, then you will never be ready for parenthood yourself. Many parents, even those who never consider abortion, feel that way. Grow up.
Posted 06/03/2009 at 08:35:29 PMIf my parents told me that, I'd chuckle. Who cares? That is the same as telling a kid they are adopted. When you are old enough to know your parents are humans who make mistakes, then you are old enough to know they made MANY mistakes with you already. Your mom forgot your birthday. Your dad never went to your games. Your mom made you miss prom because she had a breakdown. Your dad lost your science project. Whatever. Guess what? They made mistakes BEFORE you were born too. Mom had a glass of wine when she was pregnant. And smoked. Dad tripped and fell on mom during sex, hurting her tummy. Whatever. If you can't handle that your parents were insecure and scared and worried about loving a child enough to raise him/her, then you will never be ready for parenthood yourself. Many parents, even those who never consider abortion, feel that way. Grow up.
Posted 06/03/2009 at 08:37:48 PMMy parents almost aborted me. My parents had only been out a few times together when my mom found out she was pregnant. My parents stopped seeing eachother for a couple of months and my mom made an appointment for an abortion.
My mom told me that just before the appointment God spoke to her and told her she would have a girl. She cancelled the appointment and after 2 or 3 months my dad called her again and they decided to get married immediately. They just celebrated their 33rd wedding anniversary.
People often assume that I would be rabidly anti-abortion because of this story. It does make me glad that my mom chose to have me, but it also makes me happy to know she had the option not to if she needed it. And I'm pleased that my parents told me.
Posted 06/04/2009 at 02:20:41 PM