Posted at 5:00 AM Apr 07, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
If Diddy and Heidi Montag can invade thousands of Twitter feeds a day with their praise-Jebus posturing and total disregard for accepted conventions of the English language--really, Diddy, 'Today l be better than yesterday!!! Let's go!'?--I figure my ladyparts deserve their own time in the Twitlight. Especially since, as The Onion so hilariously illustrated recently, we're a society terrified of actually talking about vaginas. But are we also scared of talking vaginas? Let's see: here's what she'd say if my twat was a-Twitter ... in 140 characters or less, of course.*
*Quit reading now, Mom and Dad. Also anyone who used to attend church with me. Also grandma. Also future employers.
just met @boyfriendspenis after drinks on the east side ... kinda pushy, but overall I think he's someone I'm really going to like being around.
@brain pearl applicator? not even close to being worth the extra $2. consider buying CVS brand tamps, using savings to buy non-Bic razors.
@nylonpanties no, eff YOU, smothering bitch!
ugh. @uterus feels like it's totally fine to just unload all over me, and I'm like, I do NOT want to hear that, but she's like, entitled.
oooooooooh yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes want want want want want yes yes yes yes yes mmmhmmm LEFT LEFT LEFT yes yes yes yes yes
hey! hey! HEY! that's not me! that's NOT me! wrong ... ooooooh. well. okay. yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
has anyone seen @gspot ??????????
@birthcontrolpills besties! <3
does anyone smell popcorn?
@breasts are we destined to forever work in tandem and yet never meet? i sure hope so.