10 Tweets My Vagina Would Twitter
Posted at 5:00 AM Apr 07, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
If Diddy and Heidi Montag can invade thousands of Twitter feeds a day with their praise-Jebus posturing and total disregard for accepted conventions of the English language--really, Diddy, 'Today l be better than yesterday!!! Let's go!'?--I figure my ladyparts deserve their own time in the Twitlight. Especially since, as The Onion so hilariously illustrated recently, we're a society terrified of actually talking about vaginas. But are we also scared of talking vaginas? Let's see: here's what she'd say if my twat was a-Twitter ... in 140 characters or less, of course.*
*Quit reading now, Mom and Dad. Also anyone who used to attend church with me. Also grandma. Also future employers.
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10.
just met @boyfriendspenis after drinks on the east side ... kinda
pushy, but overall I think he's someone I'm really going to like being around.
9.
@brain pearl applicator? not even close to being worth the extra $2. consider buying CVS brand tamps, using savings to buy non-Bic razors.
8.
@nylonpanties no, eff YOU, smothering bitch!
7.
ugh. @uterus feels like it's totally fine to just unload all over me, and I'm like, I do NOT want to hear that, but she's like, entitled.
6.
oooooooooh yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes want want want want want yes yes yes yes yes mmmhmmm LEFT LEFT LEFT yes yes yes yes yes
5.
hey! hey! HEY! that's not me! that's NOT me! wrong ... ooooooh. well. okay. yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
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has anyone seen @gspot ??????????
3.
@birthcontrolpills besties! <3
2.
does anyone smell popcorn?
1.
@breasts are we destined to forever work in tandem and yet never meet? i sure hope so.
Comments
Started drinking early today, did we?
Posted 04/07/2009 at 08:23:30 AMI am now following @yourvagina :D
funny as hell!
Posted 04/07/2009 at 08:23:43 AMKris - Actually, this is what happens after two days of me being sober. (It's a financial issue.) Terrifying.
GG - thanks! @myvagina is pumped.
Posted 04/07/2009 at 08:28:38 AM#2 made me spit my water out, but #8 is definitely my favorite.
Posted 04/07/2009 at 09:51:39 AMI can't tell if this story is awesomely cool.....or awesomely frightening.
It has been stated that women are smarter than men, and that must be true because my penis can only twitter about three different things.
Posted 04/07/2009 at 04:00:53 PMWho says chicks aren't funny? This post made me strong laugh. Especially #10.
Posted 04/07/2009 at 05:49:24 PMThanks, JC. And "strong laugh" is my new LOL.
Posted 04/07/2009 at 05:50:54 PMAhahahaha!
BEST LIST EVER.
I'm totally following @hdvagina now.
Posted 04/09/2009 at 12:51:45 PMYou're welcome, everyone:
http://www.twitter.com/hdvagina
Posted 04/09/2009 at 01:25:30 PMThis post = the best.
"I think he's someone I'm really going to like being around." Christ, that's amazing.
Posted 04/11/2009 at 12:48:29 PMthanks!
Posted 04/28/2009 at 08:27:37 AMOh my God too freaking hilarious. Because of this post- from this point forward, when I'm invited to a party, wedding-anything, I'm RSVPing myself and my vagina.
Posted 05/12/2009 at 12:06:27 PMToo freaking funny! Thanks for the laugh! :)
Posted 05/12/2009 at 12:59:04 PMI loved this!! My @prettypinkparts thank you!!
Posted 07/17/2009 at 02:54:40 PM(I made that up...I am really @aminorml)
OMG, that is Hilarious... I totally just spit out a bit of coffee laughing so hard!!
Posted 07/30/2009 at 12:28:26 PMVERY cute. Say, shouldn't that be Twatlight?
Posted 08/21/2009 at 10:11:32 AM"Oooh Oooh -- Get the F*** out!
Posted 08/23/2009 at 05:50:11 AM@mypenis Number 5 is #funny. Sorry, @myvagina, had somthing in my one eye. Hope you're not jealous of @uranus and me.
Posted 09/02/2009 at 11:16:27 PMone of the funniest things i've read. you have a new fan.
Posted 10/11/2009 at 02:27:41 AMOh fantiastic! Of course many frat boys at MIT have penises which can twitter, but as we all know, the bloggin force behind them all is their www.testicles/blogspot.com
Posted 10/20/2009 at 11:53:25 PMcourse many frat boys at MIT have penises which can twitter, but as we all know,
Posted 12/14/2009 at 10:45:33 PMIt's ironic, since most twitter users are dicks.
Posted 01/18/2010 at 03:06:31 PMLoL..
Pass by my house in St.Maarten, i would provide a lot of drinks my friend after this, you deserve it :)
Posted 01/27/2010 at 11:18:11 AMJust produced Vagina Monologues at school. You should send this to Eve Ensler. Maybe she'll put it in one of her upcoming shows.
Posted 02/18/2010 at 08:01:32 AMI don't get #2. Can someone explain?
Posted 02/21/2010 at 01:38:34 PM@sashaisme
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=popcorn%20funk&defid=2837725
Posted 03/10/2010 at 02:47:06 PM