10 Best and Worst Things About Dating Nerds

Posted at 5:00 AM Apr 22, 2009

By Andrea Grimes

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Mr. Coolsexypants. There he is, on his motorcycle/in his vintage car. Wearing his Beatle boots/skinny jeans/Middle Eastern scarf. He's on his way to his band's show/a soul DJ night/the VIP room. He is the James Dean, the Johnny Depp, the Brad Pitt.

I want no part of him.

Give me a boy with an action figure collection, exhaustive knowledge of surf rock or degree in information science. Make him a little awkward and too shy around important people. Ensure that he drives a crappy car and doesn't wear name brands not because he's all anti, but because he honestly doesn't care. I love this man. He may be a geek, a nerd or a dork, but I'll take him over Johnny Depp any day.  Indeed, there are great things about loving guys who don't fit into the classical "cool" stereotypical mold. And no-so-great things. But I'll be damned if that'll stop me.

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The worst things about dating nerds are ...

5. Fighting over who gets to finish while looking at the TV when you have sex to the collected works of Joss Whedon

You're just going to have to take turns on this one.

4. Waking Up With Boba Fett Stuck In The Crook of Your Elbow

No, not the real Boba Fett--although I've dated some guys who might find that threesome hot--the little Boba Fett that fell off the shelf above his bed. With his little plastic gun crammed into your arm. The only gun I want touching my arm early in the morning is attached to my boyfriend, TYVM.

(5 worst, cont.)

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3. Waiting while he enters a Geek Pissing Contest

The first few minutes at the comic fair or photo expo when your guy is nerding out with the vendor are cute and informative. You, too, could stand to learn a thing or two about this stuff--and probably want to, anyway. But if the Who's A Bigger Expert competition starts, you either settle in for a long haul of geek pissing contests or get back to reading Moby Dick on your iPhone. 'Cause it ain't over until someone's dropped an insane amount of cash on something they didn't need.

2. Constantly running out of sunscreen

I'm already pasty as hell, milky even. Dating geeky guys who have a similar aversion to sun means forking over a hell of a lot of cash on sunny days that demand trips to the park and pool. Forget buying enough Kashi for two when you shack up together--you're going to be keeping Banana Boat in business.

1. Sincerity

If there's one thing cool dudes do well, it's insincerity. Which, for a girl who can't take a compliment and would rather make dick jokes than talk about poetry, is awesome. So a geek guy's intense sincerity about anything--including his girlfriend--can be unnerving. Can't we stop talking about our feelings and get back to talking about Rahm Emanuel's latest gaffe?



The five best things about dating nerds are ...

Comments

nerd fo reals said:

wow, you are using a totally different definition or the word \'nerd\' than most would apply to that expletive hurled at me for years throughout high school while i was stuffed in a locker not partying hard nor having crazy sex.
Newsflash: you might be dating quirky guys with indie fashion sense (these folks picked on me too), but you are most definitely not dating nerds. Girls like you never do.

Kris said:

.... Wow. What is with the "I can't get laid" whining today?

News flash, Nerd fo reals, the reason they don't sleep with you is probably because you're a passive aggressive dick with entitlement issues.

nerd fo reals said:

?? Wherefore comes the vitriol Kris? If you knew me beyond 7 lines posted on a comment board, you\'d realize how laughable your personality assessment is.
first off - never said \'can\'t get laid\', either whining or otherwise (now, high school, a different story).

i was merely pointing out that while the author was partying in high school with folks who may not have been the star quarterback, but certainly were not \'nerds\', and patting herself on the back for \'taking the road less traveled\' there was a table full of socially awkward folks eating lunch alone who were feeling neither passive aggressive, nor entitled.

I really think the effort to reclaim various insults (\'nerd\', but even more so, \'geek\') just made more people self-identify as that and in an effort to rob the terms of their power, has just seen it be co-opted by another group of cool folks. There\'s no dickishness in simply pointing out that if you \"partied hard and had crazy sex\" in high school, you were pretty much by definition, not a nerd (and nor were your various partners).

Andrea said:

For the record, the author did not party in high school and suffered much ridicule at the hands of the cool kids. Which is not to say that some kids who did party were not also stuffed in lockers.

Partying and locker stuffing are not mutually exclusive. :)

Paul said:

I got talked into going to a Con this past weekend and really, it's just an excuse to drink and sleep around. Awesome if that's your bag. (I know the drinking part is certainly mine.) And #2 is entirely true. On both pages.

sal said:

what about the vintage motorcyle/car cool guy with an extensive star wars and comic collection and tripple degrees in IS and English??? The Nerds you descibe, i beat up on general purpose

amarygma said:

You forgot a couple. (I'm glad my nerdy husband didn't come with the minuses here)

Pluses:
-They don't knock you down for being nerdy.
-Snuggly reading days
-Co-ed LAN parties

Minuses:
-They get whiney, and are sometimes so adept at whining you can't cheer them up. I know a few boys like this.
-Low Charisma scores- always wondering why they keep getting passed over by others, can't sell themselves, have to be discovered.
-Often not able to handle stress well/freak out. Usually due to lack of confidence.

Lshygirl5 said:

I kind of think that the 5 worst things about nerds listed are actually adorable. I also think that the 5th best thing about nerds is kind of lame. I could care less about proving to the kids who were cool back in high school that nerds had crazy times just like they did.

Keith said:

Now only if you could make sure every 6-8 girl out there sees this. Nerds don't go for 9-10s.

I enjoy surprising people every day (both friends and strangers) who have a preconception when they encounter my nerdery.

FallingAlice said:

@ amarygma

Wow, your nerdy husband and my nerdy husband should go LARPing together :)
-I love the fact that when the last Harry Potter book came out, neither of us had to pretend that we wanted to be social in any way.
-Also love that we both squealed like little girls when we first saw the "Watchmen" trailer.

Jho Davis said:

Nerds like totally ROCK dude!

RT
www.anonymity.ru.tc

warp1g said:

You know - I am a nerd, and I married one of the cool kids. Its been interesting over the last 9 years as she learned to truly accept my video-game problem and fetish for computing esoterica; and I came to appreciate (well-scoped) social interaction and non-utilitarian clothing.

Life's good.

-wP!

Eldshar said:

I'm a nerd chick who loves the nerd boys. Always have, always will. When I'm not playing WarHammer Online or watching anything of Joss Whedon's, I'm reading a fantastic book. So come on, nerd boys, there are fantastic nerd chicks who adore you. And some of us are single...and even kinda cute...take a look around and find us...

whiney said:

I think the term "nerd" isn't fully understood, or maybe "nerd" vs. "geek" isn't clearly defined. To me, anyway, "nerd" brings up images of brains over brawn. I played sports for 6 years in school, I was in shape, and I was confident. But I was also a Comp Sci major and top in my class. I consider myself a nerd. I spent hours playing online text games and writing programs. But maybe it's Geek? I don't know. Which one is the guy that *doesn't* sacrifice social life for knowledge? I dated girls, but I had a moral compass that forbid me from sleeping with girls I didn't find a connection with (not that the desire wasn't there, but the drive wasn't anyway). Am I a Nerd? Am I Geek? Am I just some terribly gifted non a-hole jock?

John said:

Very Good Article!

As a nerd guy who has found his nerd woman. Guys, its a challenge! I met mine at a convention. We've been together about 5 years. She's a gamer girl so its refreshing to sit down and play WoW and have someone adventuring with you. It's also nice that when movies are coming out we are both excited to go see it. I just wish I met her sooner
John
NY

bob said:

this article sucks

Jackson said:

Nerds make mad money (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs) and get chics when they snap their fingers. Jocks get H.R. jobs and wonder where their life went. Lawl.

Cory said:

I'm dating a nerd..and I mean an all out mega-nerd. I am not AT ALL. He fixes my computer, which I seem to break on a daily basis. He helps me with my homework, and even tries to explain computer databases, operating systems, and other things to which I just smile and nod. He just looks so damn cute doing it all!! He was on the Dean's list all four years in college (his degree is MIS by the way), and all the while played soccer. He's athletic, he's smart, and he is genuine. Nerdy men make the best men, the most devoted men, and the sweetest men. No lying, no distrust. I can honestly say that the year and a half that I have been with him has been the best year and a half of my life. Nerds=Real Men.

Essial said:

I'm a nerd guy with a non nerd wife (who likes the nerdy type). I'd say I'm VERY happy I chose her over a nerdy girl. Yes, we are very different in a LOT of ways, but we are different where it counts, and likewise, we are the same where it counts. Computer crashed? Car not running? I'm there. Got a fever? Can't get to the right person on a phone support line? She's there. We've been married for 3 1/2 years, lived together for 2 years before that, and have a 1 1/2 year old boy; and although we argue every now and then, we've never gone to bed mad at each other. I wouldn't trade her for the world :)

nerdsruletheworld said:

You forgot that nerds usually end up having awesome jobs, make great money and for all practical purposes rule the world.

I for one embrace our nerdy overlords and by overlords I mean me.

SquareRobot said:

Hmmm.
I'm pretty much against the whole idea of dating "nerd girls"
I made that mistake twice and I will never, ever, try again.
Nerd girls are either Crazy as Hell or Ugly as Hell.
I'm kinda shallow, so I won't touch the uggos. That has resulted in me being stabbed for winning in Smash Brothers and having my comics set on fire because I didn't put one immediately back in the bag and board after reading. Apparently I don't deserve comics. *shrugs*

Nerd guys, a warning to you, if you ever, EVER find an attractive nerd girl, stay the hell away. They are broken.

As for us nerd fellas, well, those of us who aren't the basement-dwelling creepers usually end up falling into the lame LARP tools, the Wapanese and a very small group are the "not totally ugly and sorta socialable types".
I happen to fall in the last. 'course we totally have that whole entitlement bit.

I guess my point is, nerds suck.

Mark Richards said:

I went to a high school full of nerds (Stuyvesant High School in Manhattan- a specialized math and science high school).

My circle of friends were mostly computer people- so the nerds of the nerds. That said- I'm not sure anyone could have had more parties in high school than we did. Sex was, well, rampant, and we probably kept several pot and acid dealers in business. In short- nerds we most definitely were- losers we were not.

The list also left off one of the best bits about dating nerds- none of the nerds I know is making less than 6 figures at age 30.

AR said:

hey if u really like those guys then you should at least get to know me cause i am a nerd with less of their setbacks. and CORY i am just like that guy i just am not in the dean's list or MIS am on the other part of the globe and kids don't stash me in a locker, they'd be really sorry to try

Self.Hating.Narcissist said:

One thing about the die-hard nerds that makes it very difficult for us is that a lot of the time we're self-hating and self-sabotaging. I got into theatre in high school and I got into the tech side of it. And when I got to college and learned all the little rules and political games you had to play to get ahead in a field filled with primadonnas and unyielding Classical fanatics, I just crashed and burned. I never really recovered and I dropped out just shy of a worthless degree.
How many other nerds have had their expecations of the "real world" smashed into a million worthless pieces and never managed to quite get it back together? Let alone the fact that we're basically victims waiting to happen, have ridiculous senses of entitlement, or some combination of both!
Being a real nerd isn't chic. It never should be because it comes with something that people seem to have forgotten about in making it "cool" to be a nerd - crippling social problems and pragmatic disabilities. Yeah, some of us might make it and be the stand-outs, but the same can be said for singers, dancers, athletes, and pretty much any other field out there.
Most of us settle and settle hard, because we have nothing to fall back on but our intelligence and creativity.

There's an old saying that goes, "No one can love you if you don't love yourself." That's not entirely true. But when you add blatant honesty and poor self-esteem, you do learn that nobody can love you if you are honest about your self-loathing. Self-deprecation is only charming in sit-coms and life is not a sitcom.

Ash Frog said:

The title is incorrect.

It should actually be the 5 best and worst...

10 best and worst means 10 good things and 10 bad things. Which this clearly is not.

Lex said:

I just stopped by from Digg to register my disgust with this article. You do not live in an American sitcom. The sooner you turn off your television the better.

John t said:

If you're a real nerd and still in hs, you're pretty much out of luck, but once you get out, opportunities open up. In the real world, nerds run tings. One of the most amazing, life affirming realizations that I ever had was at an after party with the promoters of a huge rave that drew thousands of people and realizing that all of us had been complete outcasts and losers in high school.

It's like that almost any time you meet creative, successful people. Just be patient, and find your way to a big city as soon as you can.

And pretty much everything in this article is true, but if you are a nerd, one thing you have to do is put hs behind you, stop being nervous, bitter and angry and open yourself to new people and experiences. Otherwise you'll never be able to hook up with a girl like this, because you likely wouldn't give her the chance to like you.

Bob said:

wow. seriously, your bf is not a "nerd". lmao

go look at some real nerds, and see if you still want to date them...

but i do have to agree about the sincerity thing

Doctress Julia said:

This article is shit. And, who the fuck is Joss Whedon? And, who fucking cares?

Liz said:

Joss Whedon is the director for tv shows like Buffy and Angel which fyi nerds mostly hate because of the inaccuracies and as for the writer of this article: your 5 things to hate about nerds are stupid. I am dating nerd; a real life d&d, xbox and "let's talk about how binary code and philosophy are the same" kind of nerd and I am most definitely not into nerdy stuff at all and here is how you get your guy to stop annoying you with the geek pissing: tell him no nerd talk or there will be no sex. As for the sunscreen bit, well we are both 100% Italian and wouldn't need it if we were in the desert. And the Joss Whedan thing I have already said and unlike your boyfriend, mine has had sex before so he's learned to keep the action figures/plushy shit hidden. Good luck but something tells me you should stop saying dating a nerd sucks if you are one yourself!

Yana said:

Most of my experience has been with athletes and normal hot guys but right now I'm with a nerd. Willingness to learn - so, so, so true. It makes him well-rounded. His qualities didn't help him in high school, but they certainly work for him now. I really like this web-programming, EMT-certified, ex-physicist Ayn Rand fanboy.
Another thing I like - he appreciates how I look but when we talk, it isn't limited to "you look hot tonight..." He'd prefer to discuss Kuhn or BSG. So would I. (The sincerity thing is true too.)
He's so attentive. Plus he plays guitar and swims. It's the polymath concept. Did I mention that he's the best in bed? By far? By far by far?
I don't know how to prove this without compromising my privacy. Well.

Andy said:

Real nerds are frightening, scary people who no one in their right mind would ever date. The section of people Andrea is talking about is definitely more of the adorable, Adam Brody/Seth Cohen sci-fi fan. There is a difference, however it's more of a pop-culture-labeling-shit-wrong issue than Andrea Grimes being a bitch, which I'm pretty sure she is not.

So to all of you actual nerds who are pissed about this article and how it somehow harms your standing as an actual nerd, I offer a piece of advice you have all no doubt heard a million times before from your older, cooler siblings: Get A Life.

Flu-Bird said:

Some call them nerds we call them LIBERALS

Robin said:

I was a popular girl in school. Had quite a few boyfriends (which were mostly bad-boy figures), but never slept around. I met my nerd in high school. We dated through college and got married 3 years ago.
Reason I fell in love with him (among others) - he was the sweetest man I had ever met. And he always made me laugh.

I knew if I got with some jock, I'd be stuck watching football on weekends and dealing with insensitive comments the rest of my life. I definitely made the right choice.

I LOVE MY NERD!!

anon said:

o.O whoa another Warhammer player!

I don't know how true those things are but I happen to be with a 'nerd' or is it a 'geek'? Can't really tell the difference heh. He spends a ton of time on video games and random web stuff. Every second that he's not outside he's on digg. >.> But he has the greatest physique ever. I don't know why he felt that he needed to hide the fact that he plays baseball or football from me for the first few months.

neispace said:

I think the author is thinking more of the alpha nerd. The six figure guy who is a polymath and incredibly intelligent while being a wee bit deficient in the social skills. Nothing a good woman can't fix right?

Those people are so rare it isn't funny. Most nerds are beta nerds-they don't have the ambition or drive to be like she says, and neglect relationships in favor of the world inside of their head. They don't ever argue with their girlfriend over who gets to be on top while watching firefly-they just download catgirl hentai from 4chan at 3 a.m. They prefer raiding with their endgame guild over dating you.

To be honest most women want to settle down with a nerd of either stripe because:

1. they rarely cheat
2. they make a lot of money
3. They are easier to control than a hot guy who knows he is hot.
4. They have some weird idea that being a nerd means they are more emotionally open than a jock. Nerds are often the most emotionally dishonest people in the world.
5. They didn't get married early like the jocks did and are available.
6. They can "fix" them.


phrog said:

I'm convinced that anime causes the male of our species to have false expectations regarding female eye size.

And Andrea, while I agree that locker stuffing and partying are not mutually exclusive, I conclude that their probabilities are inversely proportional!


Doofus said:

True nerds may not be marriageable, because they are so socially inept, they cannot connect with anyone...including their wife and children. This is a problem.

On the other hand, if a man is academically inclined and partially socially inept, a woman can work with this. I am hesitant to say that all nerds are good men, because I know this is not true. There are a lot of nerds who, when they become wealthy, turn into absolute assholes, cheating on their wives, etc. They have never received this much attention before and they turn crazy.

Also, some nerds, due to being so socially inept, don't know basic dating practices, such as opening the door, etc.

I like nerds, but some are too far out for my taste.

Also, please differentiate between a nerd and a geek. A nerd pursues academic or intellectual feats and is socially inept. Typically, a geek is a technology wiz/computer wiz with some social ineptitude. Think of it like this: Bill Gates is a geek; George Stephanoupolos is a nerd. Hope that clarifies.

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Melikian said:

I think that a lot of people are simply missing the entire idea of a nerd.
A lot of whom are being described are generally called "socially inept."
And while yes, many nerds are in fact socially inept, it isn't a strictly nerd quality, and, quite frankly, this is annoying the shit out of me. It isn't the alpha nerd she describes- it's the social rejects that decided hey, we can totally make drunken bad decisions too! It's making friends with the flesh and blood of your local raid partners. It's being antisocial in a group, where you may not talk to anybody, including each other, but you're all cool with that.
It's deciding that you deserve everything for being "better" with others, who also are "better." Like you.
How the hell do you people who appear to live in basements with the false societies the internet delivers sleep at night?
Hell, DO you?

Ted | Gaming Mouse said:

No, no we don't (sleep at night, that is). Does anybody anymore? I thought it was cool to stay up til the sun came out... ;)

Alex said:

"Also, some nerds, due to being so socially inept, don't know basic dating practices, such as opening the door, etc." hahaha seriously?? I can open my own door thank you very much.

I'm a smart cute girl, not really a nerd, more of a geek. I've dated "cool" guys, geeks and nerds. When i met my bf he was this typical nerd guy, really smart, extra super shy, no social skills. He didn't even know i liked him. He didn't even consider the possibility, whereas any other guy could totally tell. So i just went for it. It was hard at first, his self esteem was really low and it took me a really long time to make him realize how amazing and cute he is. He's still shy (thank god cause i love that about him) but not as much, and he has much more self confidence. I am the lucky one, i feel i do not deserve him since he's so smart and i'm not that much.
Oh and the honesty and learning thing are so true!
For me the best thing about dating a nerd: He's so super smart!!
One last thing. If you're one of those nerds complaining that you never get any cause you're a "real" nerd, do not despair, my guy was like that! He was a virgin when i met him, obviously! Consider having a bit less self loathing and a bit more confidence in who you are.

ipad case said:

this describe me perfectly. well done !

matt_07_90@yahoo.com said:

can someone give me advice on social skills all i do is sit at home dont have any friends im not the smart nerd more of average intelligence im my honesty often gets me into conflicts please someone help

Doof said:

Every time I see an article like this I think there may be hope for real nerds. But then I give it some more thought then I realize that the women who write this are talking about nerds that are good looking.

Fat, acne-ridden, painfully thin, speech impediment, poor hygiene, asperger suffering, type nerds are not the nerds this article pertains to.

A guy isn't a nerd just because he wears glasses. Nerds are what they are because they don't fit in with the crowd (which may be voluntary).

T said:

My boyfriend is pretty much the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen. He's smart, charming, sexy and loving. And you know what we love doing together? Playing Magic the Gathering. There's no such thing as a nerd. What you call a nerd is just someone you find unattractive who is really passionate about something you have no interest in. Don't be so shallow.

Summer Dawn said:

You also forgot that they can forget about your emotions for what is logical lols... otherwise spot on!!! Also, girls who go to parties, were cheerleaders, own way too many name brands do date nerds.. I am one of them my bf of 4 yrs is currently studying astrophysics... :)

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