Why must the single women be the ones explaining themselves--gladly?

Posted at 12:00 PM Mar 25, 2009

By Andrea Grimes

Last week there was some discussion on Jezebel and HuffPo with regard to single women explaining precisely why they're single. Lea Lane felt that HuffPo readers deserved to know why she, as a widow of a certain age, wasn't out there trolling for tail. This is the best part:

"I won't go out and beat the bushes for some nice-enough fellow who belches so loud I jump and doesn't listen and who doesn't make me smile enough to put up with strange noises and indifference."
And Megan over at Jez approaches the issue with a similar amount of sass:

"I'm not in a relationship because I have a limited tolerance for other people's bullshit, and because other people often have a limited tolerance for mine."
All that said, when was the last time you heard a guy talking about why he's single? Yeah, I couldn't come up with much, either. Because, of course, single guys are swingin' bachelors!  As we learned recently from Steve Harvey, they're wild animals that must be tamed by understanding women. Why are men single? What a silly question! It's their natural state!

So while it's nice to talk about our singlehood, I can't help but feel that explaining our single selves merely digs us deeper into a hole we're trying to climb out of. Maybe if we stop explaining ourselves, we won't have to. 


SammyC said:

Word. Seriously, good call, Andrea. If women stop explaining being single then they won't be expected to explain being single.

I also want to add an important point that since there are more women in America than men, there is probably a higher percentage of men in relationships than women. I am 28 and I've been in an LTR for 7 years. Most of my best (male) friends are also in relationships, engaged, married, etc.

I think that regardless of your gender, most single people are single for the fundamental reason that Megan outlined.

My point is that the societal norms you identify (that men are naturally inclined towards singlehood and women are naturally inclined towards coulehood) is actually LESS ACCURATE FOR MEN. Sucks for single women to have to explain themselves, but it also sucks for attached men to have to do the same.


andrea said:

Interesting point--I do see that there's kind of a stigma especially with young guys who are in LTRs. People perceiving them as wusses, or whipped, or similar. The opposite of the single girl syndrome.

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