10 Ways to Celebrate Women's History Month

Posted at 5:00 AM Mar 09, 2009

By Jennifer Mathieu

Can I get a hellz yeah for Women's History Month? Now I know all of you are like, "wait, what do I wear to my Women's History Month Bash?! What gifts are appropriate?"  Don't worry.  I've got all the best ways to celebrate.

10. Dress Up Like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Get Drunk.
Seriously.  It's time to throw a party where everyone has to dress up like their favorite first waver! Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Alice Paul, Lucy Stone, and all their pals: These ladies were totally committed to the cause of earning women the right to vote and be treated like human beings, and we just know they also liked to get down while fighting for their rights. Throw Bowie's Suffragette City on the stereo and you've got yourself a shindig.  Boys are allowed, but they'd better be enlightened.


9. Literally Buy a Glass Ceiling.  Then Break It.
Get a plate of glass and bring it to work.  Ask your male boss to witness you as you punch through it.  (We don't necessarily suggest smashing it on his head.)  May we recommend safety goggles for this one?  While you're at it, demand equal pay for equal work.  It's 2009, and it still isn't happening.

8. For One Day, Purchase Everything with Susan B. Anthony Dollars.
Yeah, you might get some looks, but so what?  You'll also be spreading the word that women's rights and women's history can't be stopped.  Sure, you may have to scrounge around to find enough Susan B.s to buy yourself a value meal or a couple of gallons of gas, but it's all in the name of equal rights for your sisters.

7. Actually Burn Your Bra.
All sorts of urban legends surround the famous Miss America protests by second wave feminists back in the late '60s.  Perhaps the most famous myth is that women burned their bras when in reality they just tossed them into a Freedom Trash Can.  Throwing the over the shoulder boulder holder into the garbage was a fine idea...but why not try actually burning it?  Hell, if they're going to say we did it, we might as well do it!

6. Hunt Down Chris Brown and Kick His Ass.
True.  This isn't directly tied to Women's History.  But it sort of falls into the spirit of the thing.

5. Quote Female Poets All Day Long.
"I rise with my red hair.  And I eat men like air." (Plath!)  "I'm Nobody.  Who are you?  Are you Nobody, too?" (Dickinson!)  "All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind." (Nicks!)  Women writers just don't get their due when it comes to all those "Best of" lists.  So show everyone that women's words deserve to be heard.  Here's a list to get you started.

4. Female Hollywood Execs: Pitch a Television Sitcom Where an Average-Looking, Overweight Woman is Married to an Attractive, Slender Man.

Still Standing.  King of Queens.  According to Jim.  What do these shows have in common?  Yes, they are all terrible.  But beyond that, they (and others like them) are based on the premise that fat, goofy guys who make crude jokes will all get to partner off with young, attractive women who are roughly 100 pounds lighter than they are.  Sisters of Hollywood, why not help us out and try a little role reversal?

3. Watch Lifetime 24/7
There isn't anything wrong with taking at least one day off in the month of March and cuddling on your couch with your favorite snacks as you watch Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? or Country Justice.  Sure, some of Lifetime's programming is a little over the top.  But it is all about women.  Could our foremothers ever have imagined such a thing?

2. Buy A Ton of Birth Control Products!  It's Legal!

Even if you're menopausal or trying to conceive, take a minute to grab a pack of condoms at the local drugstore or fill a prescription for the Pill just because you can.  Crazy but true, birth control was technically illegal until the mid '60s when Griswold v. Connecticut made headlines.  Sure, maybe men didn't care so much, but when you represent the half of the species that is in charge of carrying offspring, illegal contraception can sort of put a crimp in your style.

1. Be Grateful. Keep It Up.

Okay, not to get all corny on you, but Women's History Month really should be celebrated.  We've come a long way (don't call me baby), and we've got a long way to go yet.  So take a minute and make a toast to all who came before us, and vow to improve circumstances for those who will come after.  Can I get a woot woot, my sisters?