Posted at 4:44 PM Jan 15, 2009By Andrea Grimes
Just did a search on Facebook trying to figure out which Nick Coles is the complete asshat who wrote today's "Top 7 Butterbodies" list on Spike.com. Surprisingly enough, none of the men I found looked like the combination of Jesus Christ, Brad Pitt, rock candy, kittens, puppies and whiskey that it would take to make a man attractive enough to pass this kind of judgment:
The true definition of a butterbody is a woman who has a beautiful face but a body that's gone to butter. It's like the butterface, but in reverse. If you are rich and famous, there is no excuse for being a butterbody. It's your job to look fit and hot. Celebrities are not like normal people. They have the means to pay for a full time trainer and for someone to prepare their meals.If you weren't swept away by his third-grade prose, consider being seduced by his masterful use of adjectives:
Salma Hayek has a beer gut, which she tries to hide by wearing flowing dresses. She fools no one with this trickery. This lady is fat. It's like she's carrying a spare car tire around her mid-section. Her only saving grace is her magnificent breasts. The extra weight she gained has gone directly to her breasts, and it is glorious.On Mr. Coles' list: Sara Ramirez, Drew Barrymore, Salma Hayek, America Ferrera, Mandy Moore, Liv Tyler, and Tyra Banks. All ladies I can't say I'd be terrified to wake up and find I had the body of. No, not even close.
Articles like this make me feel totally useless. As an intelligent, self-respecting woman, I may have deceived myself into thinking that I neither date or befriend the kind of man (if that term is not too kind) who would find this funny. But if you are the kind of woman who does know these kind of men, please, please, do us all a favor and ... you know, I just can't think of something appropriate, here. Suggestions?
[Via Mandy from GGS.net]