10 Signs You've Officially Become a Facebook Stalker
Posted at 5:00 AM Jan 05, 2009
By Bonnie Ruberg
Facebook stalking is a delicate art. Anyone who's stared a little too long and a little too closely at a friend's profile has thought to themselves, "Is this weird?" Even if you've got no moral dilemma with reading every intricate detail of someone's online life -- and lots of time on your hands to do it -- there's the issue of not letting on to the person in question just how obsessed you are.
Whether you're following a crush, an ex, or even the new crush of an ex (that bitch!), here are some tips for recognizing you've officially crossed over into Facebook stalker territory -- and from preventing the person you're stalking from figuring that out.
10. You know more about what someone did last night than they do.
Checking out a friend's party photos is an entirely legitimate, non-stalkerly Facebook activity. Checking out those photos the second they're posted, watching the person in question get progressively drunker, and then glaring at the girl in the low-cut shirt falling all over your stalker-ee: that's questionable.
9. You notice when someone's profile pic changes, and you're not even their friend.
Stalking someone you can't friend for social reasons -- your boyfriend's ex, whom you've never met, for example -- can prove challenging even for the most intrepid Facebook user. If that person keeps their profile private, sometimes you have to content yourself and your unhealthy obsession with staring at the tiny profile pic that comes up when you search for their name. Desperate? Yes, but stalkers can't be choosers.
8. You want to know who that girl was who left that flirty wall post.
She says she wants to catch up with him over coffee sometime. What does that mean? What does that MEAN?
7. You look at someone's photos so often you know their wardrobe better than they do.
It's always a little creepy when a boy you like walks into a friendly gathering wearing some particular sweater or shirt, and you find yourself saying casually, "Oh, I love that one. You've been wearing it a lot lately." Then you stop yourself, because you realize you haven't actually seen this particular stalker-ee in weeks. You've just been busy staring at his chest online.
6. You read wall-to-wall threads you weren't even a part of.
The "wall-to-wall" button was basically created for jealous Facebook stalkers. Click it and stare voyeuristically at a conversation you were entirely absent from. Pick it apart piece by piece. Learn to hate people you don't even know.
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Comments
check check check check check check check check check check
uh-oh.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 06:30:45 PM