What We're Watching: 'I Am a Sex Addict'

Posted at 6:06 PM Dec 10, 2008

By Bonnie Ruberg

In addition to talking about what we dolls are reading, I thought it was about time we shared the unusual things we're watching. I for one have been having a grand old time with the new Netflix feature on my Xbox 360, which lets me stream videos straight from the Internet to my TV -- no waiting, no silly red envelopes to send back and forth. Of course, that means I've also been watching things I would have never otherwise bothered with. Can you say every single season of Law & Order: SVU ever created? Also on there is an independent film called I Am a Sex Addict, which I decided to check out the other day. Why? Because it had "sex" in the title, obviously.

The movie, which was made in 2005 but aired more recently on the Independent Film Channel, is a brutally honest look at life as a guy who wants to jump nearly everything that moves -- and isn't afraid to admit it.  More specifically, Caveh Zahedi, the director and star of the film, has always believed in open relationships, but also has a prostitute fetish, which led him to fantasize about other women with just about all of his girlfriends. He went from chatting up the streetwalkers in Paris to becoming a regular at the massage parlors in L.A. He even hit up an international brothel where he took his girlfriend along to watch. Eventually Caveh came to terms with his addiction, got help, and even marries, at the end of the film, the woman he's been with for seven years.

It may seem like this is a movie about gross guys and sex addiction, but it's not -- at least, not to me. Instead it's about honesty. Caveh tries to be honest with the women in his life, telling them which of the girls on the street he sees as hot, admitting to having fantasies about sex workers, etc. Surprisingly, a lot of the women he's with prove really tolerant. They want him to be happy. They want things to be open. They think they can handle the possibility of loving -- or at least sleeping with -- more than one person at once. In the end though, they all get screwed -- and not in the fun way. They get ignored on dates, forgotten at dinner parties. They're made to feel boring, unimportant, and invisible.

For me, as a poly girl, the whole thing hits close to home. It confirms my deepest fears: that being honest with the person you love about sex and sexuality can only go so far before it breaks your heart. Because sitting at a bar, watching your boyfriend get lead into a back room by a prostitute while you smile supportively, secretly trying not to cry... Well, that's no one's definition of sexy.