What I Want for the 8 Nights of Hanukah

Posted at 5:00 AM Dec 19, 2008

By Bonnie Ruberg

Hanukah starts this Sunday, and that can mean only one thing: time for us Jews to revel in the fact that we get eight presents for our gift-giving holiday instead of just one. No, we may not get as many lights, or any eggnog, but we have a week+ of stuff, suckers!

Seriously though, no one actually gets eight awesome presents for Hanukah. Growing up, I'd get gifts like a pair of socks, or a sheet of stickers -- things that wouldn't even make it as stocking stuffers. That's why I've put together the following list: eight things I want this year, one for each night, none of which I'll actually get. Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

8. A puppy
Who wouldn't want a puppy for the holidays? No, I don't really have anywhere to keep it. No, I don't actually want to have to take care of it. No, I especially don't want to clean up after it. But for the eight days of Hanukah, I'd be willing to feed it and cuddle it and not let it die. See, this is why I don't have a puppy already.

7. An SLR camera
Being a journalist with a wimpy little camera kinda sucks. You push your way to the front of interesting events, ready to snap shots of something important or other. Once you're there, however, you look like every other normal person with a tiny camera. Covering sex-related events is particularly bad. If you look like press, then people will pose in their pretty half-nudity, content that they're going to show up on the website of some newspaper. Without the big camera, though, they'll shy away from you, convinced they're going to show up on... well, your computer, where you'll stare at them in the creepy privacy of your own home.


6. A pretty pink bicycle
Everyone here in San Francisco rides bikes around town -- everyone but me, that is. I don't understand why they do it, considering how many hills we have around here. Still, if I was going to get myself a bicycle, I would want it to be one of those awesome, old-fashioned, pink ones, the kind that would make small children jealous. Yeah, you know you wish you had one too, small child.

5. A wedding planner
Forget material goods. This Hanukah, all I really want is for someone to plan my wedding for me so I don't have to do it myself. A wedding planner would know what color flowers I'm supposed to have at "my big day," when to start booking hotel rooms for guests, and how the heck to handle my mother and mother-in-law. Put a bow on her and I'll be thrilled!

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4. iPhone
I get lost. A lot. It's not because I have a bad sense of direction. It's because when I head out I visit five different places I've never been at once. Needless to say, at at least one of them, I get hopelessly confused. An iPhone would give me the chance to figure out where the heck I am -- without having to call my fiancé, who owns an iPhone, to ask that exact same question.

3. A lifetime supply of TastyKake
Back home in Philadelphia, we have these delicious little cake things called TastyKates. They're absolutely horrible for you, but they're also absolutely delicious. When I went back to the East Coast for Thanksgiving, a fellow ex-Philly friend had me pick some up and bring them back to San Fran for him. He has yet to come get them. That means they're sitting in my living room, calling to me. Why, oh why, can't I eat you? Why can't I eat you every single day?

2. Chuck and Blair to finally shut up and be happy
Seriously, that would be the best present of all. Why can't I have that, Gossip Girl? Why?

1. Eight extra days to relax
Forget presents. What I want is to chill out for the holidays. Day one: do nothing. Day two: do nothing. Day three: well, you get the idea... No, there wouldn't be any leftover wrapping paper to frolick through, but there would be a lot of sleeping. Festive!