Top 10 Worst Movie Couples of 2008

Posted at 5:00 AM Dec 05, 2008

By Wynter Holden

Some things just don't go together: socks and sandals, wine and beer, Paris Hilton and a movie career. But all that I can tolerate. On-screen sweethearts who act more like brother and sister than the torrid lovers the script imagines them to be, not so much. Seriously, for umpteen million dollars a flick, I'd fake it. Hear that, casting directors?

Every time a leading lady and her love interest are on-screen you should feel your loins burning, your chest heaving and your heart going pitter-pat. OK, maybe not, but at least you shouldn't feel the same level of confusion and mortification that you felt when you walked in on mom and dad playing "professor and naughty schoolgirl" in junior high. Now that I've put that delightful vision in your head (no worries, therapy is cheap these days), it's time to meet this year's worst movie match-ups.

10. Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz in What Happens in Vegas

Two words: Air. Head. (Yes, we know that's technically one word, but it deserved some major emphasis here.) It's hard while watching this movie to not think about the fact that should this brainless pair ever hook up IRL and spew out celebuspawn, we can only imagine the horror their poor kid would go through. "Dude, Where's my Kid????"

9. Jason Segel and Kristen Bell and Russell Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Sure, it's hard to believe that queen-of-crime-TV Sarah Marshall would've ever fallen for the goofy charm of a slightly pudgy composer, but at least writer/actor Jason Segel played him as lovably pathetic. On the other hand, British comedian Russell Brand as Sarah's new Brit-rocker beau came off as an arrogant asshat. Oh, wait, that's because Russell Brand is an asshat.

8. Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston in Marley & Me

I know, I know, this film based on John Grogan's best-selling memoir hasn't even been released yet. I'm just striking preemptively based on what I've seen from these two actors in the past. Aniston couldn't get us to believe her relationship with Vince Vaughn in The Break-Up, even though she was actually having a IRL affair with Vaughn. And as adorable as Wilson is, let's face it, we all imagine him, like, catching some waves dude, or being the perpetually single, slightly pathetic pickup-artist type. The good thing: no one's actually going to pay attention to Aniston or Wilson with a cute little labrador retriever puppy on screen. Aww, you're so cute. Yes you are. Yes you are. Not you, Jen.

7. Colin Firth and Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia!

Colin, we respect your acting pedigree. No one can play a better Mr. Darcy. But it's a good thing your character was gay, because there's no way we can see the delightfully sassy and irristably charming Ms. Streep falling for you. Your reserved British demeanor is stiffer than your starched, perfectly pressed shirts. I imagine kissing you would be exactly as described in the book Twilight - like kissing cold, hard marble. Only you don't have the benefit of being a young, sexy vampire.

6. Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon in Four Christmases

Him avoiding relationship talk, feigning nausea after a baby vomits, and knocking boots with his girlfriend after calling her a bitch, I buy. Her playing board games and wanting a baby, I believe. These two surviving as a couple? Hell. Freakin'. No.