Gold digging, Cosmo-style

Posted at 9:33 AM Dec 10, 2008

By Andrea Grimes

breast-implants-sizer.jpgAnyone hopping on Yahoo! Personals to find love might do well to reconsider, given the company's association with the complete brainscrew that is Cosmopolitan. Last week, one Victoria Lucia composed an article headlined Fascinating Facts About Successful Single Men. It's basically a guide to sanctioned gold-digging, and there's lots I could say about the many, many insulting premises about men, women, heterocentricity and the continued and total uselessness of Cosmo itself. But you can read that for yourselves. I figured I'd rewrite a few of the best nuggets from a different perspective.

I give you "Fascinating Facts About Girls With Big Boobs."

Dating a girl with big boobs has long been a fantasy for some single men. In fact, your own father may have even quipped that it's just as easy to fall for a girl with big boobs as it is one with little boobs. And high-cup size, single women (those sporting D's, according to Rich Boy's hit "Throw Some D's On It") are on our radar even more thanks to such shows as "The Hills", "Gossip Girl," and "The Millionaire Matchmaker."

Plus, statistically, big tits are on the rise. According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, there are more big tits in the world than ever: more than 360,000 women got breast implants or augmentation in 2005, versus 101,000 in 1997. Here's the lowdown on girls with mad mammaries.

Many Well-Endowed Women Aren't Making Milkies the Old-Fashioned Way
In the past, you would expect big-boobed ladies to be genetically endowed and firmly entrenched in the world of thick-strapped bras. "These days, though many young women go under the knife in big-risk, big-reward surgeries, more and more are successfully combining their credit lines with their breast lines," says Haitao Li, PhD, professor of finance at the University of Michigan.

You'll Find Them at Hotel Bars and Upscale Steak Houses
"When big-boobed women travel, they stay at posh hotels because they expect the best of everything," says Janis Spindel, matchmaker for wealthy professionals. And at dinner, they don't settle for anything less than grade-A beef, so four-star steak houses are prime ground for big-boobed business types. Before sitting down to rack up the bill (on their man's company expense account, of course), they'll probably hit the bar first.

But even better are the text ads for more Cosmo articles: "#1 Trick To Deepen His Love For You." Because men are incapable of love! And stupid! I better get to reading, guys. I have a lot to learn.

Comments

darci said:

hole!

© 2014 Village Voice Media Holdings, LLC. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy