I completely agree with your list! I don't understand why some girls like it when complete strangers grind them or touch their asses. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way.

least entertaining lists:
ones created by females trying to be funny when they just come off as idiotic fools.

#10 actually works WHEN DONE CORRECTLY....

have bartender get her next round and have HIM pour it in front of her and hand it to her. Bartender points you out, smile then disappaear... DON'T try and talk to the girl.. become vapor... if she is interested she will make the move.. NOTE: this is a delayed tactic... you may NEVER see the girl again.. or.. 2 weeks later she walks up behind you at another bar by mistake... and you score.. OR she sees you at grocery store and thanks you for the drink.. again DO NOT ever approach girl.. let her come to you..

Success Ratio: 8 out of 15 times...
NOTE: does not work unless you are in your home town.

whats up with mike? can't take a joke? Bet its like looking into a mirror.

"On Sunday, I'll turn 25 years old... I'm no longer going to be the hot young babe in the bar."

That's so CUTE that you think that! :D

Nah, you might not be able to cruise the same bars you used to, but it's OK, you'll be bored shitless of the people there anyhow. I'm pushing 30 and have more hot, energetic friends of both sexes than I can count, same age as me or older.

I know it's a cliche, but 30 really is the new 20. And it had better be -- your generation will probably live to be 80 or 90. What the hell's the point of living like all the fun's over a quarter of the way in!? You'll discover, mercifully that "young and hot" scales up as you get older.

So have fun! Awesome article, BTW.

SO... Does anyone ever pick you up?
And if so, how?

jillian, you dont like getting your ass touched... probably because it doesnt happen because you are ugly and or fat

mike's probably mad because he constantly uses all of these "tactics". he probably watches the pick-up artist too.

i thought every thing on the list was true, and it makes me sick when i see guys try to do this shit, and even more sick when they work.

i don't hit on girls too often, i usually just wait until a girl gets blind drunk and hits on me, so obviously i end up with the gems.

My ex always had guys doing those dumb things (my favorite was when I was standing right next to her >.

Here has been my strat and it typically doesn't fail:
*approach to talk... talk for a while*
"Hey we should hang out, whats your number?"
Thanks :) I can't wait to call you

I agree with your #6 in some cases but not for me. I love to drive with my windows down and if I am in the mood I like to have my music loud. I think I see a pattern in your list. You are attracted to intelligent, confident, men (not boys). Sadly there are many women who fall for these methods of "Picking Up" a girl.

On a side note. A woman of 25 is exactly what men my age (28) are looking for. Don't feel like you are no longer "hot young babe in the bar." If you the required human parts men will always want to be with you. Now what kind of men that is the question.

Great post. I will keep this in mind next time I am trying to pick up women in a bar. O wait... I never try to pick women up in bars. The kind of women that go to bars to be "picked up" almost deserve these pathetic attempts.

Don't listen to me. I have been single for 4 years.

"On Sunday, I'll turn 25 years old... I'm no longer going to be the hot young babe in the bar."
"That's so CUTE that you think that! :D"

Someone taking this seriously? Dude, no. How did this end up on dig? These may be actual pick up attempts, but the attempt at humor in this list has failed.

Women think they are so elite and untouchable. The fact is, it doesn't take a medical degree or an appointment - just some combination of money and good looks that adds up to about as much the amount of arrogance in the targeted woman. Every sensible man knows and frequently admits to other sensible men that 99.99999% of all women are sluts and therefore, the best thing a man can do is get in and get out. So, you want to know why all of the cheesy pick up lines come at you? Because we know that you are a slut and that there is a way to screw you without marrying you!

This list does no apply to drunk college chicks, thank god.

I like the list. It makes perfect sense to me. Except, I find the whole context a bit foreign to my experience. Let me offer some hope from the perspective of a man who is 52 years old and immensely grateful for the women in his life.



Young women and men, please listen carefully. All you have to do to find happiness with each other is to work at being genuinely decent people. It's so simple. Do that, and eventually things will work out for you. Don't, and you'll spend your life in bitterness and resentment of the other sex.



Being a decent, caring person gradually develops your ability to recognize and appreciate that quality in others. You can't operate from a sense of entitlement, because all that does is align you with people who are looking to take something from each other.



It took me a long time to really get this, but it's been a wonderful journey. Maybe it will take you a long time as well. That's okay. Just don't be discouraged. Understand your boundaries, but open your heart. That's the way to great relationships, great sexual encounters, great everything.

Why do you complain in number 1 about a man not being able to complete a sentence despite the fact that you using incomplete sentences in your female's retort.

Spend more time blogging than actually being successful with the opposite sex. Many of the tactics you put in your list are quite successful...with out the spin of a jaded female on them.

Send me a picture - (topless if possible).

Wow... Mike is special.

Seriously though, do other men actually try this crap? I thought that junk only happened in movies and tv sitcoms.

I totally agree with the list, as a girl i can absolutly say there is nothing more pathetic then for a guy to do a numebr of things that are on the list. One of the worst is the cat call. I despise it, i have punched people because of it, just becase you think i may be hot doesnt mean you need to bring that to the attention of everyone in a mile radius. Just go home and masterbate while crying you sick pathetic bastard.

I love it!

LOL, nice ones! Very nice indeed. I hate those lines.

Jamie
www.anonymity.cz.tc

Would it be in good form to make your move on the comments board?... I only ask for a friend of mine, of course, who is less attractive then me and not nearly the conversationalist. Also I have a HUGE stereo and have not gotten a boner on the dance floor since grade nine.

Use my 2 step system:
1: Be incredibly handsome.
2: Go someplace where girls are.

The burden's on us to do it right so how about helping us out rather than ridicule those who do it wrong? Or better yet, how about you encourage women to make the first move since we're so horrible at it...

women like you make me want to become "an hero".

read: off myself.

lol people reading this post who are calling "foul!" are obviously not proficient with women. Any of these attempts are completely useless, and if you think a girl is STUPID for not falling for them, well sir, you are going to be alone for quite a while. If these aren't funny, they're at least educational, or edutainmental. I like Travis Mcrea's post, let that be a lesson to all you would-be-Cassanovas out there... Treating a girl like a human being works! OMG I hope this revelation didn't scare anyone! And the A/S/L thing is true, if you have to be that upfront, the mystery is totally gone and you kill the game before it's even begun!
Lol my brother uses the 'unsolicited contact' thing all the time, so I never bring him around my friends anymore(He says "they're all into me" every girl who's my friend says privately to me: "don't bring him around me, he's creepy")
Also, the dancing thing works ONLY when you bump into them accidentally, and they like you (hint: learn to know when a girl likes you), and you say, "Hey watch it, I'm trying to dance, stop trying to grab my ass!" or something like that. Talking before contact > picking up already half-in-the-bag girls with no standards.
L2B pro@lyfe people!

ahahaha just had to add:
"The burden's on us to do it right so how about helping us out rather than ridicule those who do it wrong? Or better yet, how about you encourage women to make the first move since we're so horrible at it..."

Ty: OMFG never talk to a girl again until your nuts drop!

Scott: does that EVER work? Yeah, didn't think so...

Mike is just pissed caused you shot down every way he knows how to pick up chicks.

Don't worry; if you are not hot enough to get the same attention at 25, in another five years men will completely avoid you. In the meantime, just keep in mind that Men rule the world, and make more money, and can simply buy more sluts like you at any age. He who has the last laugh, laughs best!

Wow! I never realized how weak my game was. And to think I spent a good chunk of my life thinking chicks were at fault for not knowing a good when they saw it. lol

Ok no seriously, great post (I mean that)! It served as an eye opener to why rejection should not be taken so personally.

Hah.

You're a fucking idiot.

For a girl.

Hah.

You're a fucking idiot.

For a girl.

Oooohhhh.
Number 5 worked for me once.

Sigh...

I'm a cliche...

It's almost physically painful to read the
responses of some of the more misogynistic guys
in this thread (look it up). They fairly reek
of a sense of entitlement. (I'm hot, I have
a great car with an awesome stereo, I treat
women like shit - they oughta be SO into me.)

Gentlemen (and I use the term loosely), women
don't owe you a goddam thing. If you were
rejected by somebody and now have a buffalo-
sized chip on your shoulder and think all
women are sluts, bitches or the like, put your
big boy pants on and realize being rejected
is just a part of life. Sometime they do the
rejecting and sometimes you do, but that doesn't
make either one of you "bad." It just means
you're not right for each other, and that can
happen for a number of reasons, some of which
don't have anything to do with you.

Try this: When you're on a date, ask her a
few things about herself, and try to look
interested. Do some old-fashioned shit like
opening the door for her, taking her coat, etc.
Treat her like she's important, and
just watch how your luck changes.

At that point you'll have an edge on all those
self-important mofos who think they're God's
gift to women. Who knows: You might even find
yourself in demand. But keep this advice to
yourself - who needs the competition?
demand.

they work.. if you're good looking.

Hey! What's wrong with a shoulder touch? :-)

I've always found that the best and most effective 'tactic' is walking up to the woman of interest and being like "Hi, how are you!"

Then this totally amazing thing called 'conversation' happens. It's crazy. Everyone should try it some time.

MAC you are totally right. Every girlfriend I've been with looks for those qualities. Unless you wanna live on 1 nighters for the rest of your life take MACs advice

Fear not, commenters. Effective Andrea pick-up techniques are coming next week!

First, my claim: most of this is true under the right circumstance. And that circumstance is: you're not attracted to the guy. Most of this stuff can, and will, (and for me, has) worked when I "just knew" the girl thought I was cute. When a girl thinks I'm cute, almost anything is fair game because we're both having fun. Without that intangible chemistry, then yes, most of this is cheesy and desperate, weak sauce game.

Second, my disclaimer: I'm a mid/late 20s guy, I'm pretty well-socialized, I have a long-term girlfriend, I've had girlfriends and flings and everything in between, I'm not a "player", I'm not a "pathetic Internet nerd" or whatever other box some of you would want to put me in. Some girls do find me attractive for various reasons, but not all girls.

But, it is cute watching immature women stand on a soapbox like this and act as if they have any idea what they really want, or that they are somehow in a position of power over men.

Basher doubloon - You are the shit. You perfectly summarized EXACTLY what begins to happen when you leave your early 20s behind. No, I'm not the 'hot young babe in the bar,' (don't get me wrong, I loved the article - still laughing). But, shit! I don't WANT to be JUST that anymore. I'm still freaking hot, and whatever attractiveness 'diminishes' with age, I will make up for with the fact that my shit is WAY more together than when I was in my early 20s.
I'd rather do me, talk to me, date me now than I would then (thankfully I didn't have to date myself then or now ; )

Oh, and thank you - I'm not yet in my 30s, but women like you make me look forward to it!!

Oh, and Ladies: PLEASE do your fellow females a favor - if you know, or are even dating, the kind of misogynistic ass holes who leave degrading posts like this on blogs, get them out of your life.

Seriously.

Those men who say things like "Men rule the world, and make more money, and can simply buy more sluts like you at any age."
If they say them to other women, the same kind of hatred WILL be directed at you sooner or later.

Men like that are truly damaged goods, and you should run fast and run far.

Innacurate - the least effective way to pick up a girl is to vomit down the front of her shirt, and then - as you're wiping your mouth with the back of your hand - smile at her and try one of the techniques above.

O man this, although obviously just for fun, needs to be looked at seriously.. For starters, the context is 'bar', not library or school or at the bus stop. I hate nightclubs because everyone is just as you say. Not just the men chicky, women who hang out at the clubs are just as greasy and unappealing. You have the 'im just here to wear the sexiest thing i own and dance and if you look at or talk to me i'll act like I'm just here to have fun when really i'm here to be gawked at due to my utter lack of self confidence', then you have the rest, 'i'm here to have sex with whatever dude has the biggest muscles and the strongest cologne smell'. They don't call them bar-stars for nothing! Everyone there is trashy, if you don't want trashy stuff happening, try not hanging out in garbage dumps, it's very obvious and very simple. I don't go hang out with hobos, then complain about the smell. try meeting people in an actual healthy environment.. omg gimme a break!

Women are just fucking... FUCK! Be a lesbian and be done with it.. You don't like penis? Ok fine. be a lesbian. You don't like someone buying you a drink? Fine. be a lesbian. You don't like guys talking to you? Fine. be a lesbian. You don't like guys NOT talking to you? Fine. be a lesbian.

STupid dykes.

Andrea,

I thought your list was pretty funny and well written. keep writing!

Nice list, but you should spend less time trying to be funny and narrate the scenarios a bit more. Also women aren't funny. How's that for a pickup line?

Her only point to the guys is, "don't be a cretin". The fact of the matter is that being a cretin works for some guys with some girls. Generally it is the bad boy types and the low self-esteem "hot" girls. I have seen an African friend grab a girl's ass, then her wrist, pull her close, and start kissing her all within 10 seconds. I've seen him announce to a bar of girls, "I have a huge penis" and see some of them come over to flirt. Guys only do things because they work. The less genetically gifted men watch and try to mimic. Sadly the cretin technique only works for the gifted.

For the rest of us poor slobs, the girl has the power on the first encounter. She's looking for any opportunity to dismiss you. Nothing you say will have any positive impact, but you can certainly have a negative impact. She'll quickly evaluate your looks, wealth, and confidence and then decide if you're "in her league". If you're not, it doesn't matter what you say. If you are, then she will politely listen for a few minutes waiting for you to say something stupid at which point she will dismiss you. However, if you're just "nice" that will bore her because she's seen hundreds of average nice guys before. Who really knows what will cause her to say yes? Her cycle, mood, planetary alignments, tarot card readings, blah blah. Ultimately it is a numbers game. Persistence and volume pays. Eventually a girl will accept your advance. If you hit on 100 girls and get rejected by all of them, you're probably "shooting too high". Spend some time in the gym, get a "cool" haircut, upgrade your wardrobe, and try 100 more girls. Learn some conversational skills - getting her to talk mostly about herself (reduces your chance of making an ass of yourself). The End.

Best thing I've read all week.

The only thing that gives me more lols is reading some of the comments left by guys who seemed to have swallowed they own testicles. Some of them also made me want to throw things.

Most of those tactics have never been used on me, mostly because I don't go clubbing or drink. Thank FSM. The honking as they drive by occurs a lot though. I mean, I'm wearing a mid length coat over a turtleneck, pants, a hat and gloves - there's no exposed tits or ass to gawk at. *sigh* There's just no hope for some guys.

*shares anti-aging moisturizer and tea*

^___^

Thank FSM...that's great. only comment that made me laugh, Lutetium

Great article. Thanks for the information.

Wow.

This article was probably written by a 4th generation feminist that never gets laid. Me, nor any of my friends, indulge in any of these behaviors. This seems like an article written by a woman who doesn't know jack shit about men. These situations are 'thought up' by ugly fat chicks that 'think' these situations actually occur, but really don't in real life. Life often imitates art, but not in this case, I'm afraid.

But still--I hope your 'Sex and the City' fantasy diploma helps you meet a nice guy. Obviously your outlook on men will not.

pretty good list...for a girl

I love it! Good list!

Great Post. Any guy, good looking or not, should know better and not need a 25 year olds blog to tell them so. As I guy I see these tactics go down and fail constantly, especially if the girl has half a brain. Women are generally smarter than guys anyway, although there are some pretty dumb girls out there, just as there are dumb guys.
To Miss im turning 25 I say, your life is just getting good. You are not the same person now as you were when you were 20, just as your not the same person you were when you were 16, and will not be the same person at 30. The core you obviously always remains, but your outlook, wants, needs etc will continue to change. "The devil knows more becuase hes old than becuase hes the devil" and as you gain more knowledge, knowledge only acquired by living life, you will be able to use that knowledge to have more fun, as well as for other things. You know what u dont like, which is really the best way to determine what you actually do like (weeding out the bad leavs the good) Enjoy Life !

I laughed my ass off at this post. I hate to break it to you, but these things do not stop once you turn 25... OR once you turn 35... or ummm 39... giggle.. The universe keeps making better re-engineered bozos. Keep up the great wit and posts!

I'm not sure which I enjoy more, the original list or the responses from some of the sub-literate one-finger typists who inspired the list.

Great post, Andrea. And MAC, nice one as well.
And to the idiot, youtube-like posters, I re-iterate what others have said, pull your thumbs out of your mouths, put on your bigboy pants, and realize we're not in the dark ages anymore. Women are equals.