Heartless Doll - The Onion goes back in time

The Onion goes back in time

Posted at 7:39 AM Oct 07, 2008

by Andrea Grimes

America's finest news source, The Onion, has gone back in time. Way back, in fact, to 1783. Taking a break from colorful commentary '08, they're filling us in on all the news we missed back in the eighteenth century, like stories about the country being overrun with bald eagles and tooth loss.

Yet, some of it is particularly pertinent to us modern day ladies. For instance, would you be interested in a facial corset? Methinks so! "No more shall the eyes of a Stranger be drawn to your un-attractive Chin or Jaw Bone." Or perhaps you will find the "For A Woman" section's delicious salt cake recipe to your liking: "Two Large Buckets Sea-Brine, Four Pounds Jew's Salt, One And One Half Pounds Butter (Salted), One Blueberry." Mmmm!

But nothing compares to the saga of Margaret Cook, the subject of "A Mischievous Woman Wander'd Outside Of Home." Cook, the reckless hussy, expressed public satisfaction and wandered about the town without an escort! Don't miss a single detail!