Dear Diary, Lauren Conrad, "Bottom line, I did not and would never hook up with Justin."

Posted at 4:00 PM Oct 10, 2008

By Sharon Steel

It's been a busy year for Lauren Conrad! Between dating semi-duds from Laguna Beach that nobody remembers, designing new pieces for her eponymous fashion line only to have Whitney Port conveniently usurp her with her own label and MTV spin-off, patching things up with her BFF Audrina, and working at People's Revolution PR, it's a wonder she has time to clear up nasty rumors on her official MySpace blog. Thankfully, on October 3, in an entry titled "Here we go again" (just like the titles of each Hills episode -- synergy!) L.C. put aside a few minutes to set the record straight (again). Oh, good lord:

I woke up this morning in a unfortunately familiar situation. Once again someone has mysteriously called Perez Hilton and had him post another insane and completely false rumor about me. Hmmmmmm... I wonder who it could be? I'm baffled... What kind of person would enjoy watching blogs and the press tear me apart? I really wish I could figure out who would do this. Who is someone that I do not get along with, that possibly has too much time on his hands (between pathetically staged paparazzi shots), that has a relationship with Perez...? No one comes to mind. If anyone can figure it out can you please let me know because I am truly stumped.

So baffling, indeed! Wait...ZOMG, I think I know who it is! This sounds like a classic Attack of the SPEIDI!

The rumor I'm referring to is that I "hooked up" with Audrina's non-boyfriend Justin.(eww.) This accusation is insulting on so many levels. I'm being accused of being a bad friend, a slut and a liar all at once. It would actually be funny to me if people weren't taking it seriously. Do they think I was swept away by his wonderful manners and his commitment to my friend? I love it when guys burp in my face. So hot! Seriously?? I have never even been in the same place as Justin when Audrina wasn't around. I have been there for Audrina for years of ups and downs with this guy. Now she is accusing me of hooking up with him?? It's the most awkward position to put me in because I can't defend myself without putting both her and Justin down.

Bottom line, I did not and would never hook up with Justin.

The idea of Lauren and Justin Bobby hooking up is almost as hilarious as the idea of Jason still being engaged to that rando girl he apparently proposed to last year. Totes awkward, but Lauren is right: it's not like she can say, "Justin Bobby?! GAG ME WITH A SPOON!" Except she kinda just did. Heh!

The worse thing is knowing that a friend, that I've known for years and even shared a home with, thinks that I'm capable of that kind of betrayal. I would NEVER hurt a friend like that!

Audrina - We promised we wouldn't let people get into our ears and make us fight. You KNOW I didn't do this and I have never given you a reason not to trust me. What you are doing is hurtful and I don't want to fight with you. Whoever is telling you these things does not have your best interest at heart. I have always been there for you and now I'm being attacked for something I didn't do. We are supposed to be there for each other when other people do this to us and today you are the one doing it to me. Today you are the reason people are saying mean things about me. You asked me if I did this and I told you I didn't.

Lauren! You really are too nice. Stop being a doormat, you're getting killed out there, girl! The whole wide world (er, or maybe just MTV obsessives) know you and the Justin Bobby Phenomenon could never, ever be. Ever. If Audrina is pissed it's only because she's looking to blame someone for the fact that you make more money per episode than she does. Or maybe it's that she wants to align herself with the Pratt/Montag alliance, given that the two of them are the ones who get all the advice columns and make all the talk show appearances? Sigh.

A suggestion? I think you might to need to move to New York City with Whit. Really, some kind of prolonged stint on the isle of Manhattan could really do you some good. And I'm not just saying that because I'm dying to go headband-shopping with you. Swear.