But Wait, There's More: The Top Ten Best Infomercials Ever

Posted at 5:00 AM Oct 06, 2008

By Jennifer Mathieu

If you gave me a choice between watching Newshour with Jim Lehrer on PBS and a half-hour commercial about a kitchen device that could make pasta in five minutes, what do you think I’d pick? Hellz yes the pasta commercial! No offense to Jim, but despite my college education (whatever) and my faux-intellectual demeanor (even more whatever), I prefer a good, cheesy infomercial to something of substance any day of the week. I’m just being honest here.

That said, let’s take a moment to honor the best infomercials of all time (and yes, it was hard to choose):

10. Tony Little’s Gazelle

I can’t decide if I want to punch this guy or have sex with him. The ponytail and the spastic personality is way gross, but you have to admit the dude has muscles. Ah yes, I’m talking about fitness expert Tony Little. In this infomercial classic, Little hawks the Gazelle, a totally bizarre machine that basically makes you look like the Roadrunner after doing crystal meth. I still can’t decide how you’re supposed to get a workout on this thing, but it does look weirdly fun.

9. Greer Childers and Body Flex

This lady gave me nightmares back in the late 1980s. With hair to rival Tony Little’s, Greer Childers sold her Body Flex workout videos with the promise that her deep breathing exercises could keep wrinkles away and the body fit. Yes, ladies, that’s all it takes, deep breathing. Of course, it’s the kind of deep breathing that makes you look like a porn star or a mental patient, but still. The clip below must be seen to be believed.

8. The Magic Bullet

Am I the only pathetic person on Earth who has watched the Magic Bullet infomercial, like, 23 times? Seriously. Twenty-three times. First of all, it’s not a sex toy, although it looks like it could pass for one. The Magic Bullet slices, dices, makes pudding, makes muffins, makes coffee, makes smoothies, and makes your troubles and low self-esteem melt away into a gallon of lump-free pancake batter (that’s what they’d like you to believe, anyway). What I love about this one is that The Magic Bullet infomercial tried to be “realistic” in its approach. Instead of a salesperson obviously hawking a product, the infomercial showed a bunch of houseguests sitting around the kitchen table talking about what they wanted to eat as their hosts (the perky blonde and the British chap) whipped up meals for them. The only thing I could never understand is why the crazy old lady houseguest “Hazel” was played by an actress who looked to be about 25. And she was allowed to smoke in the kitchen. Seriously?

7. Nads

The Australian hair removal gel you could eat! And I bought it. Yeah, I bought it, wanna make something of it? I have to say I didn’t eat it, though its nuclear waste green color surely made it look like an appealing treat. A godsend for the bearded lady (see clip below), Nads was supposed to make shaving and tweezing a thing of the past. How did it work for me? It took about half an hour to smear the crap on a square inch of my leg, and when I pulled, the hair was still there. Maybe it works better on beards.

6. Cher Sells Out: Lori Davis Hair Spray

What’s weird about this one is I can find no online evidence that this infomercial ever existed, but if you were alive in the 80s, you know it did. This is the one where Cher sold out by appearing in an infomercial about hair spray with a woman named Lori Davis. I recall sitting on the couch in my basement watching this sucker and being mystified by the fact that Lori Davis promised that after you sprayed your hair with her product, you would still be able to run your fingers through it. That’s like trying to believe Cher has never had any face work done. I mean, come on.