10 Etsy Items No Human Being Could Possibly Need
Posted at 5:27 AM Oct 03, 2008
By Bonnie Ruberg
I love Etsy. I really do. I'm fascinated how, in our super technological age, we've started getting craftsy again, making clothing and drawings and random bits of fuzz and selling them on the internet. At the same time, anyone who's spent even five minutes surfing the adorable Etsy waves has thought to herself: who in the world would want to purchase that?
In between the awesome, revamped dresses and the huggable monster hats, Esty sellers are serving up some pretty ridiculous -- and useless -- stuff. Here are 10 items that made me ask, "Why, craft gods, why?" Browse the site and I'm sure you'll come up with 10 more. Or maybe 20. Or maybe... You get the idea.
10. Replica Victorian ladies' knickers
For only $45 dollars, you too can know what is was like to wear large, itchy, uncomfortable underpants all those years ago. The seller says her knickers are for "naughty girls," but these undies don't seem so naughty. They cover up half your legs and they're definitely not easy access.
9. Bra made of Mardi Gras beads
Not only is this undergarment formed from necklaces thrown at half-naked party goers ugly and utterly pointless (isn't the idea of Mardi Gras to take off your bra?) it's also totally impractical. Those beads aren't holding anything up. Unless maybe that's the point.
8. Saint candles for Country Western stars
I'm not sure if it's supposed to be ironic or just genuinely creepy, but this saint candle for singer Loretta Lynn is kind of freaking me out. The seller assures us it's high quality and long burning. Honestly, those weren't really my concerns.
7. A plate with your child's face on it.
Look, dear, it's what we always wanted: a dinner plate that lets us eat off our baby's smiling face. In all fairness, it's gold rimmed, so it's not really for dining. That, however, resigns it to cabinet tops and walls, makes it all the more useless.
6. A felt brooch shaped like a vagina
Brooches don't have much purpose in the first place. This one is even more unproductive, seeing how whoever buys it is bound to wear it once, then stop after someone kindly points out it very closely resembles female genitalia. Awkward.
Comments
"Not only do both the mother and the child in this print of a painting look way, way too into the whole thing" Saying that the baby in the print looks "way too into the whole thing" is something that only a non-breeder would say.
However the black cliffs and crashing waves are a bit much. Personally I think it would be more relevent if the background was a Target parking lot.
Posted 10/06/2008 at 01:58:46 PMIt's a little melodramatic for me, but it's always lovely to see a mama and her baby together... They're *supposed* to be into it.
Not everyone's taste, I guess. But then, not everyone would have this in their living room either...
[img]http://doudoubebe.com/osc/popup_image.php?pID=206 [/img]
By the way, the brooch on the previous page should be more precisely called a vulva, not a vagina. :)
Posted 10/06/2008 at 10:49:40 PMI think the painting's beautiful :)
Posted 10/12/2008 at 01:07:46 AMThe painting is lovely. It reflects a simpler time before bottles in which a nursing was literally LIFE to a infant.
Posted 10/12/2008 at 11:31:28 AMRe: the renaissance corset. Corset fashions have changed over the ages; in the renaissance, the point was a tubular look, not an hourglass look.
Posted 10/12/2008 at 12:33:06 PMi have that nursing babe and mom on my wall. it is inspiring and very well done.
Posted 10/12/2008 at 02:28:56 PMany nursing mama can tell you that the hormones that breastfeeding releases give you a relaxing, love-buzz!
i'm sure i've looked like that more than once (a day) for the past 18 months that my daughter has been nursing!
the waves and cliffs might be a bit much, but the mama/baby pair look pretty spot on to me :)
Posted 10/13/2008 at 03:18:43 PMThe breastfeeding painting is lovely. "Way too into it"? That is the comment of one who doesn't know why we have breasts.
Posted 10/15/2008 at 01:55:41 PMReally? These are the items that you'd deem most useless on etsy? Do you have anything better to do with your time at all than to bag on other peoples artwork? There aer a couple of these that I don't think I could see anyone needing but I don't think they need public shaming either; otherwise the rest are people's ART.
ESPECIALLY the print of the mother nursing her baby...that is so beautiful. It just shows you have never had such love in your life if you could bag on something so wonderful as this.
Posted 07/08/2011 at 02:38:33 AM