10 Things that Freak Me Out About College Freshmen in '08

Posted at 5:00 AM Sep 25, 2008

By Bonnie Ruberg

It wasn't so long ago I was a college freshman, getting ready to embark on the journey of higher eduction. OK, who am I kidding? It was five years ago and now I'm old. What's creepier than my over-the-hill status though is the fact that my little brother is now a college freshman. Seriously, that kid? I used to change his diapers! See, I told you I was aging fast. Next thing you know I'll be gumming my dentures and calling him in his dorm to tell him to remember about that time I walked uphill, both ways, in the snow, year-round to elementary school.

I've always taken my role as a big sister pretty seriously, so I should be proud that my little bro is growing up, that he's making friends in a new environment, and that he's following in the footsteps of my own academic dorkdom. After seeing this current video about freshmen dorms in video podcasts, though, I'm starting to feel differently. That's my flesh-and-blood you're talking about, buddy, when you say he's going to do drugs, or get his stuff stolen, or -- worst of all -- sit around eating ramen for the next four years!

Here then is my list of the things that freak this big sis out about the freshman class of 2008:

10. They still have their high school sweethearts.

Talk about a train wreck waiting to happen. These kids, including my brother, somehow think they can keep dating their senior-year girlfriends and boyfriends despite the fact that they're being thrown into an entirely new social situation, hours away from said girlfriends and boyfriends, where they'll be meeting lots of interesting, attractive people. Who's gonna field the break-up phone call, huh?

9. They might just spend all day downloading Gossip Girl and never go to class.

I've mentioned before that my brother, like me, is shamelessly addicted to Gossip Girl. The first night he spent at school he downloaded something like 20 gigs of episodes. That's a lot of bad television right there. What if he sits around watching it and completely forgets he's supposed to be learning something? After all, teen dramas can have that numbing effect on the brain.

8. They are going to continue being MySpace and Facebook whores.

I don't exactly know what the problem is with this one, but I do know that people my brother's age were pretty much raised on social networking sites. They spend a crazy amount of time there each day. Maybe it means they won't separate from their old friends. Maybe it means they won't get their classwork done. Maybe I'm just crotchety and ancient and shaking my cane in their general direction.

7. They don't know how to feed themselves.

Cup-o-noodles and a 14-meal-a-week food plan does not equal nutrition. Even at my college, where we had unlimited access to the cafeteria, I don't think I ate an entire fruit until at least sophomore year. Don't come home with scurvy, bro!

6. They don't know how to manage money.

50 bucks for a special edition DVD? Sure. $150 to go visit your girlfriend for the weekend? Sure again. $400 bucks for text books? Who needs those?

5. They have roommates who pass out drunk while their friends go to the hospital.

If there's one thing I wish somebody had told me my first year in college, it's that you don't have to tolerate absolutely horrendous roommates. Mine was a homophobic, racist drug dealer who had her mother write her essays and called up her ex-boyfriends at 3 a.m. Other roommates suffer from more traditional college suckiness: they drink too much, they let their drunker friends go to the hospital alone, they throw up in their own bed. Fun.