10 Reasons Wedding Planning Scares the Living Daylights out of Me

Posted at 5:00 AM Sep 23, 2008

By Bonnie Ruberg

From what I understand about normal human females, planning a wedding is supposed to be something we girls look forward to all our pre-marital lives. Giant dresses, perfect flowers, a day straight out of a romance comedy: we want it all, right? Well, personally, I've never given much thought to my dream wedding. I don't want to be anybody's little princess. In fact, I hate being the center of attention at family functions. All eyes on me means anything that goes wrong is my fault.

Now that I'm actually planning a wedding -- tentative date June 21, 2009 -- I'm realizing that maybe it would have been better if I had spent my childhood painting my nails pink and fantasizing about my special day instead of reading above my grade level and dating for the heck of it. I have almost no idea what I want in a wedding, except that it should be lovely enough so people don't say nasty things, funky enough that it reflects my actual personality, and not so insane that I can't enjoy the moment of saying "I do" with the one person who's supposed to matter: my fiance.

Needless to say, I'm kind of freaking out. Seeing this post over at Urslesque about collapsing wedding cakes has pushed me over the edge. Now I'm in full-blown wedding planning panic. Here are the things I've realized could go horribly wrong:

10. What if I forget something super important?

I never realized how many little things you have to consider when planning a wedding: where to have it, whom to invite, what to serve, what the invitations should look like, blah blah blah. I just know I'm going to wake up that morning and realize I never set up a photographer. Or that my guests have no way of getting from the ceremony to the reception. Or that someone's great aunt got forgotten in a nearby airport.

9. What if our in-laws can't decide on a guest list?

I hear this horror story all the time: you want a small-ish wedding, but somebody's family has to be all social and wants to invite everyone they've ever met ever. That pretty much describes my soon-to-be in-laws. They're great people, but I can just see them fighting with my parents now: "You're only inviting how many people? Don't you know anyone at all?"

8. What if we add it all up and we can't pay for it?

Weddings are expensive. How come no one mentioned this in the whole "special day" thing? Even going the bargain route, things add up super quick. I'm definitely worried that we'll put all the costs together, subtract what our parents can contribute, and be left with a number so high I won't be able to eat until my wedding. Which might be alright, since then I wouldn't have to do one of these last-minute bride diets.

7. What if our honeymoon is a quickly planned disaster?

With so many other things to figure out, how can anyone plan a decent vacation? Plus, there's the pressure of it being -- hopefully -- your one and only honeymoon. If we were just disappearing to the south of France to work on a cheese farm (we've done that), I'd feel no pressure. As it stands, I'm stressed I'll screw it all up and we'll end up taking a long weekend in Pacifica. Taco Bell, anyone?

6. What if my bargain dress is ugly?

No wedding is ever going to be perfect. I get that. But I at least want to love my dress. That's hard enough when you're on a budget. I'm also somehow convinced that I'll buy an OK dress, then go to put it on before the ceremony and realize it's actually hideous. I don't know how it'll happen, just that it very well might.

5. What if our friends and family can't come?

I live in San Francisco, but both my family and my fiance's live in Philadelphia. We went to school together in New York, so that's where most of our friends are. What will we do if we send out our invitations, then nobody can get themselves across the country for the wedding itself? More cake for us, I guess.

4. What if I flip out and tell everyone to go home?

As previously mentioned, I feel really bad being the center of attention. I also get really territorial when I'm uncomfortable. I just want to be left alone. That doesn't fit well with big parties. At the age of 4, my parents threw me a birthday bash. I freaked out that so many people were in my house, so I kicked and scream until they all had to leave. What if I do that on my wedding day? At least they'll already have left their presents...

3. What if our wedding isn't as pretty as a million other weddings?

Strange as it seems for a 23-year-old, I know tons of other couples who are getting married right around the same time we are. That doesn't mean company, it means competition. Our wedding has to be special, otherwise it'll be remembered as "One of those weddings we went to that season when everyone got married." Argh.

2. What if we end up with an apartment full of toasters?

When we first got engaged, we wanted to have a party to celebrate. My fiance's parents literally forbade it, saying, "What would you do with all those toasters?" Their idea: so many people would give us household appliances we'd be up to our ears in Kitchenaids. And then we'd drown. Or something. Is that what post-marital life is like, too?

1. What if the cake falls apart on our wedding day?

Seriously, have you seen all those cake videos? My stomach jumps up into my throat each time a beloved, over-priced cake ends up on the floor. If that were my wedding, I think I would get down on the ground, press my face into the icing, and hope for a quick death by drowning.