Top 10 Reasons Why New Yorkers Want Flings and San Franciscans Want Marriage

Posted at 5:00 AM Aug 28, 2008

By Bonnie Ruberg

When I moved to San Francisco from New York two months ago, I met a lot of twenty-something women who, like me, were into online dating. The thing that surprised me though was that almost none of them had heard of OkCupid –- a site that's uber popular among young hipsters looking for love back on the East Coast. When I lived in Brooklyn, everyone I knew was on the site: mulling around, looking for hook-ups, rating each other on hotness. Here on the West Coast though, girls seem to go for Match.com, a site they throw into conversation like some friend I don't know who goes by the name of "Match."

The weird thing is, if you look at these two dating sites, you'd think the city allegiances should be reversed. Okcupid is a free love sort of operation: very LGBT friendly, and open to polyamorous people. Match.com, however, is all about finding you the love of your life and making sure you two get married. Up until recently, gay people couldn't join, and forget about being kinky or otherwise "weird." So why is it that New York, a city that's known for being all business, is content to romp around on OkCupid, while San Francisco, a city that's known for its esprit ouvert suddenly wants to buckle down and tie the knot?

Here are the 10 best reasons this confused online dater could think of:

10. That's just how the cookie crumbles. This is the boring explanation, so let's get it out of the way: the OkCupid offices are located in New York City, so that's where they've focused their attention, so that's why things break down coast by coast. See, I told you that was boring.

9. San Francisco is queer enough offline, it doesn't need to be all open-minded online, too. Walk down the street, pass the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and who wouldn't want to leap into the heteronormative marriage bed?

8. New York works hard enough as it is, they need to release some steam when it comes to dating. Locals always have their eyes on the prize: getting a promotion, getting a raise, getting to the other side of the street as fast as humanly possible. Thus the appeal of OkCupid: chilling out for once.

7. It's already easy enough to meet alternative people in San Fran. Just wave a rainbow flag out your window and bisexual, polyamorous, vegetarian masochists will arrive on your doorstep. So who needs a site that gives you even more options?

6. It's already easy enough to meet marriage-oriented people in New York. Every woman born in the tri-state area has had a picture perfect wedding on the brain since the day she popped out of the womb. Think shiny engagement rings, enormous dresses, and Sex in the City. OkCupid fills that niche of the few weirdos happy to remain at least temporarily unhitched.

5. It's a conspiracy: someone wants to turn San Fran straight. How could the Bay Area not love a site that asks you personality questions like, "Would you consider dating a couple?" and "Would you consider dating someone who is transgender?" It’s just not possible -- unless someone is pulling the strings behind the scenes and rooting for Match.com. Governator, I'm looking at you.

4. It's a conspiracy: someone wants to turn NY queer. OK, New York is already pretty queer, but I bet it's those horrible homosexuals, always trying to break down the institution of marriage with their brightly-colored parades, the adorable little dogs they walk through Chelsea, and now this.

3. There's no use being rebellious if you fit in, and New York is already a pretty marriage happy place. Spit on passing brides, rip up the wedding announcement section of the New York Times, dance on a squished wedding cake -– then hammer the final nail in the coffin of conformity by dating online.

2. There's no use being rebellious if you fit in, and being weird in San Fran is already pretty normal. Go for the really independent root: find a member of the opposite sex around your age, who shares your race, religion, and world views, them marry that person and stay with them for the rest of your life. That'll show the man.

1. Bizarrely enough for this tech-savvy city, San Francisco is just behind the times. They should get on OkCupid, and now. In fact, you, yes you reading this, are you on OkCupid? You should be. Then you'll be one more adorable internet person I can stalk and invite into the den of debauchery that is life outside Match.com