Real Men Don't Use Semicolons?

Posted at 12:00 PM Aug 21, 2008

By Bonnie Ruberg

Over at Broadsheet, Sarah Hepola has responded to a recent claim by The Boston Globe that the semicolon -- yes, that strange bit of punctuation that 95 percent of the English-speaking world don't seem to know what to do with -- is in fact girly. According to the original article, manly authors wouldn't go anywhere near the limp-wristed excuse for a period: not Hemingway, not Stephen King, not Vonnegut (though Capote might; get it?). Like a Hungry Man microwavable dinner, the message is plain and simple: "Real men, goes the unwritten rule of American punctuation, don't use semi-colons."

According to the female Salon writers Hepola polls for their thoughts on the ever-so-dainty punctuation mark, there are some pretty hilarious reasons why men fear the semicolon. One says, "Clearly, men find the em dash a reassuring phallic symbol, while the semicolon reawakens their Freudian castration anxiety. What better way to cope with penis envy than to make frequent use of the semicolon?" Another: "Seems to me they're arguing that complex thoughts and nuanced self-expression are chick things." Best: "Wait. And the period is manly?"

I can't help but agree. Semicolons are tricky buggers, and clearly men don't know how to handle them. In a bit of coincidence, I went to lunch with two fellow journalists the other day -- both of them men -- and out of the blue they started hating on the semicolon. "Oh, no, I would never use that!" That's right, boy, don't show weakness. End those sentences fast and hard. As for me, I've used my semicolon quota for the day (see above), which means now I'm free to go paint my nails, straighten my hair, and read women's magazines full of sentimental punctuation. Exclamation mark, what are you wearing?!