Is Paula a cold-hearted snake?
Posted at 2:53 PM Aug 25, 2008
By Andrea Grimes
In breaking news that surely affects all of our Heartless Doll 'tween demographic -- here's hoping they missed all those sex toy posts -- American Idol is adding a fourth judge for the next season. Her name is Kara DioGuardi, and she does some crap with music or something. Surely she'll fall back into obscurity as fast as anyone else associated with the show who's not named Simon Cowell.
Paula Abdul's not so happy with the decision, and predictably, since girls are evil bitches who can't get along and the public loves a catfight, she's been quoted all over the place talking about how "concerned" she is with the new judge. It must be the first time in history that Simon hasn't been asked for his opinion on something. Anyway, Abdul told Us that "I am concerned about the audience and acceptance. Time will tell. We'll see." So she's really not unhappy with it at all. She's just worried about her job. After all, one cannot live on Cold-Hearted Snake alone.
Besides, a public celeb feud between Abdul and some poppy producer we've never heard of is no fun at all. Paula's too sweet -- when she's coherent -- to be provoked by anyone but the best. Allow me to suggest a few additional candidates for Idol judge.
Chyna: The wrestler doesn't know shit about music, which makes her a perfect fit for the show. Also, she'll dwarf petite Paula at the judges' table, where they can argue about substance abuse and Botox.
Demi and Selena: If anyone's going to send Paula through the roof, it's the blithering, blathering Disney pop tarts Demi and Selena. Watch the brunette fur fly!
