Top 10 Most Ridiculous Undergarments Worn by Women in Video Games

Posted at 7:30 AM Jul 22, 2008

By Bonnie Ruberg

Crazy things happen all the time in video games. People get shot, die, then come back to life. Plumbers traverse magical pipes and fight grumpy mushrooms. Monkeys voluntarily enter giant plastic balls and roll around collecting bananas. But perhaps the craziest thing going down in games these days is fashion -- specifically women's fashion. It's hard enough to find a decent female video game character. When you do find them, they're often sporting skin-tight jumpsuits and enough cleavage to smoother a small child. Strip those digital ladies down to their undies and the situation gets even worse.

Here then is a list of the top 10 most ridiculous undergarments ever worn by women in video games. Ladies, don't try these on at home -- even while sitting in your living room playing video games. Things could get dangerous.

10. Princess Peach's Frilly Pink Panties

peachwhitelace.jpg

You'd think a lady as used to getting kidnapped as Mario's Princess Peach would've learned to wear some more practical underwear. Instead, in keeping with her sugar sweet character (Who dressed you, honey, Mattel?) she's got white laceys with pink frilly trim. At least she's not going commando, because this demure little royal with the big '80s hair likes to kick high in Smash Bros. Brawl, the newest game in the series that pits Nintendo characters of both sexes against one another in adorably brutal battle. What's even better: you can pause Peach in mid-kick to get a better look.

9. Something-Died-Here Second Life Lingerie

SLlingerie.png

Second Life is a massively multi-player online game -- and most days that translates to an Internet place with lots of people with sexy avatars roaming around in various states of undress. There's also a booming fashion business in Second Life, since users can create their own clothing and sell it to other people in the game. While little of that clothing covers more than 50 percent of a character's skin at any given time, some articles of intimacy border of the absurd. Take this lingerie ensemble, for example, on which it appears both a peacock and a mink have died. So tragic, yet so sexy.

8. The string bikinis of Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball

doa.jpg

Technically they're not underwear, but the bathing suits worn by the women in Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball -- the game that basically invented what's called in the industry "realistic breast physics," but which boils down to bounciness -- might as well be made from dental floss and sticky notes. Can you imagine wearing that while diving for balls, or what about when jumping for spikes? Let's be honest: in the real world, there would be renegade breasts flying every which way. Though, granted, that may just put the "extreme" in this game about "extreme beach volleyball."

7. The no-bra bra

otomedius.png

Number seven comes from a game called Otomedius, which so far has only been released in Japan but is coming soon to the States. In it, players power up busty on-screen maidens by rubbing their breasts. Yes, rubbing their breasts. So maybe it should come as no surprise that the game's well-endowed protagonist shows her face out of the house wearing what appears to be little more than two flaps of unsupported cloth mysteriously clinging to her perky but otherwise bare chest. Not only is this undergarment ridiculous, it -- like many on our list -- defies all rules of logic and science. Sorry, sister, but that just ain't gonna fly.

6. A push-up so effective it raises the dead

silent-hill-nurses.jpg

The nurses in survival horror game Silent Hill have always been awesomely creepy. From the neck down they're hot, if a little veiny and decaying. From the neck up though, they're faceless zombie monsters with old bandages instead of features. Sexy, right? They've also got a good deal of cleavage for video game monsters. Look closely enough, and you might even start to suspect these ladies were sporting push-up bras before they died -- and then awoke to eat your brains. How else could the undead get so much lift? Heck, if push-up bras keep you supple into the afterlife, that's a good enough advertisement for me.

5. Lara Croft goes commando

larabutt.jpg

Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft is one of the most popular female video game characters of all times -- not just because she, like Indiana Jones, is a badass archeologist who can fit through small spaces -- but because her chest is so large you wonder if it doesn't hold special, hidden hand grenades. Her other signature fashion choice: those ass-tight little khaki shorts, which are practically underwear themselves. And they might as well be, because frankly, do you see a panty line on those things? Even a thong would leave some ripple on that curvy cut of fabric. It's time to face facts. Lara Croft has no undies. That's her real secret weapon.

4. Gravity defying tube tops

conanbra.jpeg

Tube tops are a bitch. You can't wear them with bras with straps, otherwise you're that girl. As for strapless bras, anyone with a C cup or higher knows they're pretty much a cruel joke. No, tube top wearers are resigned to flapping in the wind -- that is, until now. Thanks to the new virtual world Age of Conan, strapless bras can apparently defy gravity. Even female characters with chests of porn-star proportions can get away with skimpy, strapless tops that also appear to give support. Some don't even reach all the way around a character’s back. Leverage? Realism? Bah humbug!

3. A strip of velvet passing for armor

ivy.jpg

If anyone could nurse an entire developing nation with her ridiculously proportioned upper half, it's Ivy from the fighting game Soul Calibur. She’s pretty badass in a fight: she has a whip and chain for starters. But as each new game in the Soul Calibur series comes out, her outfits get more and more ridiculous. Nowadays, while parts of her are armored -- like her shoulders and fists -- other parts are completely exposed. Her chest, for example, is protected by a single strip of velvet -- which will, no doubt, ward off all potential blows. She's also infamous for wearing a thong into battle. Maybe showing off her curves is a way of distracting her opponents, but that girl must be cold. No one will think less of you if you wear some pants. Promise!

2. Undies for outer space adventure

bikisamus.jpg

As video game characters go, Samus Aran, the star of the Metroid games, is pretty admirable. She shoots big guns, she can curl into a perfectly spherical ball, and she does it all from within a giant suit that protects her body and makes her un-ogle-able. When playing the earliest Metroid game, gamers didn't even know she was a woman. That is, until she took off her suit at the end of her mission fighting aliens in outer space. And what was she wearing underneath? Why, a matching bra and panty set, of course. Wouldn't you think, if you were going off to save entire races of life, that you'd at least wear a sports bra?

1. A metal thong. Yup, that’s right.

princeofpersia.jpg

It's hard to imagine an undergarment more uncomfortable than a metal thong. Somewhere between a chastity belt and a piece of BDSM gear, the outfit worn by The Empress of Time Shahdee in The Prince of Persia looks like it would be great for your posture and horrible for just about everything else. With a number of steel ribbons that disappear into the nether regions of the character's voluptuous behind, an equally uncomfortable steel bra that wraps around to grab her breasts and hold them in place, and some sharp shoulder spikes, this is certainly the most ridiculous undergarment of them all. At least she could injure enemies by sliding up real close then stabbing them with her undies. And in the end, isn't that what we all really want out of underwear?

Comments

Sara said:

Ummm, what happened to Ivy's nipples? Did they get lopped off in battle?

solidsnake3657 said:

The #1 isnt the empress of time, her name is Shahdee and she tried to kill the empress of time before the prince stepped in and killed Shahdee

But yea wat shes wearing is ridiculous

tara said:

I agree with all of these. In fact I think I almost bought that second life outfit. lol

But I feel I have to maintain my geek cred by pointing out that #1 is actually Shahdee. Kaileena, Empress of Time wears an equally ridiculously hot red velvet gown.

http://pop.gameguru.ru/fanart/kailena/oboi/big/4.JPG

That's it right there.

Bonnie said:

Hey, thanks for the Shahdee clarification guys! Correction made. Who can keep all those time ladies straight anyways :)?

Anonymous said:

I've always wondered why armored women in video games/comics often had armor on their shoulders but not on their stomachs or chests. Isn't it more important to protect your intestines than your bony shoulders?

Soulofaqua said:

I am of the opinion that Second Life is not a game. It is a social network service. Otherwise a great articel.

Bonnie said:

"Isn't it more important to protect your intestines than your bony shoulders?"

You would think so, but then how would we see your sexy stomach and or cleavage? Priorities priorities.

fooly cooly said:

you forgot that ivy wears stilletos. those aren't an undergarment, but they're pretty ridiculous for fighting, though she does have a move where she stomps you with them(and rubs it in if you are on the ground at the time--at least she did in the second game).

A non e-moose said:

1. that samus aran pic is photoshopped. Under the suit is a full body suit. nothing else.

2. In age of Conan, starter clothing on or off keep the breasts at the same shape, meaning they give no support, and are only hanging off.

3. That silent hill one is from the movie. Which isnt related to the game in ANY way.

Really, do some research before getting your panties in a bunch.

anoehmuss said:

fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap

hansolo13 said:

the shoulder pads are for hitting people, it really hurts to get hit with a metal shoulder, trust me.

ms said:

Actually I approve of all of these. Here's why. Because they are visually interesting. Plus, Japanese design has a long history of impossible, and revealing clothing with fantasy characters. If youre american, you might think, WTF? But in Japan, it's expected to see a ribbony thin bra with hiked lacy panties as a standard space suit. Half the Manga's have that design. Even the kid friendly ones sneak panties in occasionally. Japan isn't as prude as other cultures, especially with illustration. Variety and visual stimulation is good. Ridiculous is half the intention of the character design.

awesomest said:

Actually I approve of all of these. Here's why. Because they give me a boner. Just like Barack Oboner does.

Jeffrey Wang said:

A few issues:
1) What else is Princess Peach going to wear? Let's repeat: Princess Peach. From the Mario series. Of course they're pink. Of course they're frilly. Are you suggesting "granny panties" be a more practical underwear for the Princess?

2) The lack of familiarity with combat is very evident as never do two combatants stand square to one another---you angle yourself to provide less of a target. Now, is Ivy's outfit pandering? Of course. However, it is worth noting that she is more armored than all but a limited few of her opponents. Another character, Mitsurugi, has the very same sort of armor on one side of his body as that is the side he turns toward his opponents. Ivy's outfit would be incredibly distracting while providing no less protection than the garments of her enemies.

3) Ivy does not wield a whip and chain. A chain whip would be a much more appropriate way to refer to her single weapon.

Turbo said:

Wow, what a lame list. Only 3 of those are "ridiculous". Clearly you haven't interacted much with the opposite sex if you think the rest of them are ridiculous.

Free Xbox 360 Elite said:

I think it's funny that someone has actually attempted to justify the lack of garment on some of the characters.

Anonymous said:

That Samus picture was photoshopped. You can see the original Samus image here:

http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/zerosuit_samus.html

dkp069 said:

Yaeh! They may bee outragious....but with smokin bodies they look Hot as Heck!

John Jones said:

OMG I LOVE Tomb Raider! She is the coolest character of ALL time and Angelina Jolee nailed it in the movie!

JT
http://www.Ultimate-Anonymity.com

MechaBeast said:

Yes, the image of Samus is photoshopped but the point is that after the first Metroid game she is wearing only a bikini under the armor.

DNA said:

OMG! You totally forgot the burlap disasters from World of Warcraft!

ReaderX said:

Lame. Pandering headline is clearly misleading. Yet another opinion written inaccurately to whore clicks. Certainly beneath the dignity of jounalism.

If one had to guess, one might hypothesize this trash was written by a young woman whose body is unattractive. She likes to pretend women cannot be beautiful, attacking them wherever she sees them. She enjoys sneering at comments like this.

Put the chocolate down and get outdoors, hon.

Mr.Spore said:

Alternative post title "Ten sexiest women in video games" Nice post, dugg.

MissLady said:

even more revolting than the blatant misogyny running rampant in video games and other male-dominated industries, like comics? the people who try to make excuses for it. it's not just an exaggerated "fantasy" style, because if it was it would also apply to male characters [and NO, being super-muscular is NOT the same as being super-sexualized because these characters are fighting. muscles are relevant, gigantic breasts are not]. oh, and talking about how japan puts sex into "kid-friendly" comics/games doesn't make it ok. japan, until recently, had very restrictive pornography laws that resulted in the majority of their porn industry being illustrated/animated. it's not that they're "less prude", it's that you're basically looking at porn.

you can pick apart these individual pictures and make excuses for them all you want, because these are NOT isolated examples. they are the norm, and if someone wanted to make a list of the top 1,000 absurdly sexual and totally unrealistic female video game characters, it would be really easy. and, for contrast, you could find just as many diverse, strong, and reality-based male characters. it's a fucking fact.

the worst part of all this is the women who make excuses for this stuff. clearly desperate for male approval [daddy didn't love you enough?], these ladies are willing to marginalize and degrade themselves so gain second-class acceptance to the geek boy's club. it's depressing. you can be a girl and a geek AND respect yourself, you know. try it sometime.

Liz said:

Thank you, MissLady, for reinstilling my faith in humanity and other people. I just can't stand it when people justify one-sided objectification and degradation by blaming the commenter and chalking it up to conservative puritanism. I'm not prudish, I'm insulted. It's too often that I see articles like these and scroll through the comments only to find no one even faintly concerned with these issues. It's easy to brush it off as idle whining if you're a man, but it's not so great for a woman when her entire worth is summed up in one glance up and down her body. This kind of media promotes that.

I grew up loving cartoons like Pokémon, Sailor Moon, and Dragon Ball Z, so I'm no bigot, but video game and anime culture really infuriates me sometimes; I can't help but feel over and over again that the exportation of Japanese culture is extremely detrimental for women. All the rape fantasies and infantilization give women the smallest voice and will possible, or sometimes no voice at all (ever heard of Magibon?). I'm saddened that so many men's ideal woman is one that is weak, unopinionated, subservient, idle, child-like, and simple. It sometimes seems to me that she is almost a shell.

(As somewhat of a sidenote, it saddens me that being a nerd has changed from being someone who reads and builds up valuable skills and knowledge about the world to someone who sits around on their couch and plays Super Smash Brothers until their eyes bleed. I love a good video game now and again--but why do we now take pride in it like it's an accomplishment? It's entertainment, it's fun, but it's hardly a lifestyle choice.)

femmiie said:

these are all riidiiculous all those woman noe dam well iin the real world theiir boobs wud b poppiin out every fiive minutes 2 say hello....thiis iis the kiind of thiing that leaves men beliieveiing we shud all dress thiis way wut a shame....

femmiie said:

these are all riidiiculous all those woman noe dam well iin the real world theiir boobs wud b poppiin out every fiive minutes 2 say hello....thiis iis the kiind of thiing that leaves men beliieveiing we shud all dress thiis way wut a shame....

donniedarko said:

Is bonnie a woman? If so.. exchange the word ridiculous for sexy, they all do that when talking about other women

BPM said:

I believe that Ivy follows the anime rule of women's armor:
The less one wears, the better she is protected!

guy said:

lol You femmies are making a huge deal out of nothing. Sex is as natural as going to the bathroom. So let it be what god intended.

Some Chick said:

Man, if only male characters wore ridiculous, skimpy outfits, I'd buy THOSE games in a second!

LP said:

Well, ReaderX since you made assumptions about the author's personal life, I'd guess based on your response that you were a middle-aged man living in his parent's basement, paunchy, no girlfriend, who spends all of his free time online instead of in real relationships.

We're probably both wrong.

Shouter said:

I've always found the outfits in Soul Calibur to be questionable, to say the least...not the best choices for battle, haha.

Inigo Montoya said:

Figures... the writer of this article is a woman. Of couse she's going to say all of these are ridiculous. Why don't you leave these types of games alone and write something about Hello Kitty.

51324 said:

Wow, the blatant sexism in these comments is so edgy and surprising! Only not. I blame the patriarchy.

Dabitch said:

I thought this list was hilarious, thanks for that. A METAL THONG? Arrrgh! Also thanks for MissLady for her comment.
To Turbo - I am the opposite sex and nine outfits are ridiculous. Sorry to burst your bubble, boy. Princess Peach's pink panties are just silly.

LCplUndrGrnd said:

I think your all missing the actual point of this article. It's not that these outfits are sexist, it's that they are impractical or funny. Peach wearing frilly boy shorts, how is that sexist? However it is funny as hell. Lara going commando, who doesn't on occasion. Tube tops, just go to the beach or your local mall. And as for Ivy, Samus, and Shahdee. They may be dressed the most absurd, but they are also the most bad-ass, whoop the shit out of you woman/ characters in the fantasy world. So the argument about weak, voice-less woman kind of doesn't apply to them. Let it be what it is. I mean god forbid, you don't hear people up in arms about male wrestlers wearing bikini bottoms, or 0% body fat super heroes. It's an out of proportion view of the human anatomy and the way we view our heroes and icons. Instead of protesting the outfits and behaviors of these fictional characters. Enjoy the games for what they are, Art.

David lanteigne said:

Google "pristontale archer" for another list-worthy video game character.

super mike said:

what i thinks is freaking funny as hell is you guys are fighting over what video game "personalities" are wearing. i OWN DoA Beach Volleyball and i own DoA fighting games. I Own most of the Tomb Raider game and i've played the Soul Caliber Games and i can tell you as a 25 year old male that i dont freaking care what the chicks are wearing, if you think out fits are sexy in a video game... you need to get out and interact with the other sex a little more. i am married man that has a subcription to Maxim Magainze and Playboy and just becuase women decided to take off their clothing doesnt "degrade" them or put them down at all. it just shows that they are willing to show them selves to the world... and they are comfortable with their body... and just for the record last time i checked VIDEO GAME maker under stand that the typical player is between 13 and 25 and this age group is driven by hormones...so they make the women "naked" so the kids will want to buy it and they parents won't have a problem becuase they are wearing clothing... just for the record you can buy "bra/panty combo's in the DoA VB games.... they wear cute little Lacy Tanga Panties....)

astridjane said:

LP, somehow I doubt you're wrong about Reader X, I'll bet right about now he's shuffling upstairs for another tube of Pringle's before hitting "resume play."

The reason video game women are all naked with gravity defying double- D boobs is that it makes men, especially teen boys and young men (who are still the most lucrative market,) more likely to buy them (they enjoy stimulating both of their joysticks simultaneously...nyuk nyuk.) Women play 'em too, but we're used to seeing impossibly proportioned naked women being used to sell stuff, so I think we start tuning most of it out after awhile.

If male video game characters dressed the same as the women, they'd all be wearing nothing but shoulder armor, knee-high high stiletto boots and a sock pulled over their (12 inch) dick.

U'r Mom said:

Are you F'n Kidding me? I don't care what kind of man hating beast you may (or may not) be, do you know how quickly you'd lose if you were rubbing one out while you were playing a video Game?

Seriously? I think ALOT of you have over thought your answers to this article. As for the ladies retorts to Reader X, I'm going to assume from reading your responces that you're just "killing time" waiting for maxim or playboy to call you back about that photo shoot right?

Robin said:

Some truly hilarious comments, particularly MissLady's.

These charges of sexism and exploitation could be leveled at any form of media with a visual component: comics, films, TV, magazines, music videos, even sport. But they're so much easier to apply to games because uninformed commentators can resort to the (archaic, bigoted) teenage male gamer stereotype to explain why female characters are designed to look like they do.

Newsflash: nobody buys games because they relate to the imagery or messages therein. I think Tom Clancy is an appalling Reaganite nutcase but I'd happily buy a game based on his loopy universe because it's a good contextual framework for interesting gameplay. I know plenty of women who play supposedly 'masculine' or 'nerdy' games for whom the idea of being offended or shut out by the content is risible.

Please feel free to list examples of average-looking/fat/ugly characters in other media, that aren't explicitly designed to make a caring-sharing point about their inner beauty, like those nauseating Dove soap commercials. People like making and looking at attractive things - why must this always be debased as being sexually motivated, dirty and wrong?

Ah right: America. Where it's fine to load entertainment with bloody violence as long as there's no risk of anyone seeing a nipple or hearing a naughty word.

Fighting game characters (as with nearly all game visuals) are designed to look aesthetically pleasing. They are hyper-exaggerated action figures, not role models. As many women as men play games, and the content of those games is not split down gender lines. The idea of women being repelled by media supposedly (actually not) designed just for men is a myth.

[f13] said:

1. that samus aran pic is photoshopped. Under the suit is a full body suit. nothing else.

2. In age of Conan, starter clothing on or off keep the breasts at the same shape, meaning they give no support, and are only hanging off.

3. That silent hill one is from the movie. Which isnt related to the game in ANY way.

Really, do some research before getting your panties in a bunch


This is the only comment that mattered, the rest of you are idiots. There are decent discussions on sex/gender roles in games to be had. The comment section of a crap blog post that obviously was super poorly researched and written...

Not that place.

kurdt said:

Why is this such a suprise that a fantasy game that uses idealized human forms? As a typical guy I certainly fantasize about unrealistic women, but I also fantasize about shooting fire from my fingertips, being able to jump 30ft through the air, and have psychic force powers. I'd say each of those is far more unrealistic than the women in this article (particularly as the author appears obsessed with unsupported breasts, like she's never seen implants).

If you as a woman are dumb enough to think that there is not a single guy who can separate out a video game from reality, that's your own problem. If you as a guy can't separate movie/online/video game women from those in real life, don't ever plan on getting laid.

People have had their fantasies for thousands of generations, and still managed to tell the difference. I weep for the women who think that now that they know what guys fantasize about civilization is going to end. Women want to know what guys are thinking... why do you think we don't tell you? Go find something to better to worry about, like improving your own life.

Aerie said:

Guys, stop being so touchy and learn to laugh at yourselves. The original post was obviously meant to be humorous but many of these male commenters appear to be unable to take a joke about their own behavior - and that makes them even more ridiculous. (Well, it's true about some female commenters as well.)

Just stop taking yourselves so seriously. I know I've laughed at jokes (made by men) about women and trust me, it feels a lot better than getting all offended :)

swkfk said:

hey Liz, fuck you! nothing's going to change so shut your face!
MissLady, this isn't misogyny, it's business. Sex sells and that is that!
all you man-hating cunts need to shut the fuck up!

J said:

I agree with Aerie...seriously...chill the fuck out people.

Ladies, we are not the only ones with self image issues. I'm not trying to justify our image obsessed culture but I think who we blame and how we approach the issue needs to be reformed. The ridiculously well oiled, tanned and perfectly proportioned male characters in video games are an ideal that most normal men aspire to but never reach. If the media dictates how young men feel about their bodies, then they're just as fucked up as we are and we need to redirect our energies towards helping people understand that though this shit sells, it's not what we have to be. Separating reality from fiction is more important than crying "SEXIST!!!!" all the time.

And swkfk - calling women "man-hating cunts" makes you the biggest cunt of them all. Grow the fuck up or shut your mouth when adults are talking.

Dragonwithaheadache said:

One thing to say about all the complaining. GET OVER IT it is a game. Please get a life and move on.

Anonymous said:

kiyhukij juki ki,ujiuif

Orange-kun said:

Some fags are saying that the touch screen in Otomedius is used not for rubbing boobies, but for some lock-on powerup bullshit.

Shut the fuck up. It's a freaking hentai shooter, stop being a nitpicking faggot.

ShaedowQueen said:

so what? this is what men fantasize about.

hurrah for them, its not hurting you. i'm female and i dont see anything wrong with it.

the world is just getting ridiculous about sexism, and some women are taking it too far (cough LIZ cough cough misslady cough)

men KNOW that the likelihood of meeting a women who's breasts are size 10ZZ is completely unlikely. alright? they KNOW it. it doesn't stop them hoping.

they're like small children who want to have magical powers, or be able to turn into an animal (really sorry for the analogy guys, im not calling you children, just pointing out a similarity) in their minds they know its not possible, BUT! they can stil hope.

what are you feminists going to do? take away all the imaginiation in the world? make a law that we all have to wear clothes so that only our eyes can be seen?

stop being immature.

either your too high and mighty to realise that like you, men are simply human, and that EVERYONE can have dreams.

get off your high horse and accept men the way they are

Create Cleavage and Lift! said:

Stop being immature.

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