Top 10 Best Future Careers For Celebuspawn

Posted at 5:00 AM Jul 29, 2008

by Andrea Grimes

Baby-faced Ben Lyons has landed what is arguably the biggest job in movie criticism, and while we all know he's a ham with the ladies, is he really qualified for the job? Or maybe -- just maybe -- he got where he is today because of his stellar lineage. The grandson of New York Post columnist Leonard Lyons and the son of WNBC in NYC film critic Jeffrey Lyons, Lil' Lyons may just have had a teensy leg up when it came to getting into the movie journalism biz.

What of the modern celebrity baby boom, then? Where will little Suri and Apple end up when they've coasted through expensive private schools and dropped out of expensive private colleges, in fine kid-celeb form? With a cushy job courtesy of the 'rents, we reckon. And since Tom and Gwen and Ben 'n Jen are so busy with their own careers, we figured we'd give them our own tips on what high-profile careers they can hope to hook their little ones up with a few years down the road.

DISCLAIMER: I was all about stealing adorable photos of these future hellraisers, but somehow our Heartless Dolleditor thinks we might get our pants sued off by OK! if we ran copyrighted pics. Fight the power, guys.

10. Susan Juliette Beatie -- b. June 29, 2008

Better known as the daughter of "Pregnant Man" Thomas Beatie, Susan will have a lot to live up to as World's Most Famous Child of a LGBT Household. Namely, Susan will be responsible for single-handedly proving to the Religious Wrong that children of transgendered and gay couples turn out just fine, thank you. Susan, you shall go to Harvard law! You shall fight for equal rights! Unfortunately, you shall never stop hearing cruel jokes from asshats about your parentage, and yet you will soldier on. For that, we salute the future you.

9. Violet Garner-Affleck -- b. Dec. 1, 2005

Daddy Ben is America's handsome average dude, and Mommy Jen is sweetness personified. Violet will be raised among smiles and kittens and flowers and ponies, never knowing sadness. Violet shall grow up to be a hippy-dippy feel-good Yoga/Kaballah/whatever's hip in self-help in 2030 guru, with a hit video series to boot. Her life will remain calm, cool and free of strife. Assuming she never catches Reindeer Games re-running on TNT.

8. Zev Winokur-Miller -- b. July 22, 2008

Zev, whose name means "wolf" in Hebrew, is the son of some woman from Dancing With The Stars and a comedy writer. We're sure they're nice people and they're enjoying their 15 minutes of fame by getting priority seating at Chili's. Zev, enjoy your career in middle management.

7. Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline -- b. Sept. 14, 2005 and Sept. 15, 2006

Nothing. But. Respect. If you two manage to make it to puberty alive with no serious head injuries, the sky is the limit. Nobel Prize winners. Chemical engineers. Founders of a major humanitarian organization. Writers of a decent Star Wars prequel. Something phenomenal.