Greetings from Seattle, Heartless Doll readers, where I'm reporting from the 2008 Penny Arcade Expo, a video game convention that last three days and draws thousands of proud, proud dorks like myself to this cloudy city. So far, the big events of the day have included the opening of the expo floor -- also known as the land of colorful swag and even more colorful cosplayers -- and a keynote I'm missing as we speak because it conflicts with a panel called "Girls in Games: the Growing Role of Women in the Games Industry." Yes, for the first time all day there is more than one other woman sitting around me in a five foot radius. Observations so far:
Yesterday, on August 26, English singer/songwriter Kate Nash took to her MySpace to explain a few things:
"just wanted to write a bit about the last 2 gigs, one in clapham at get loaded in the park and the other in edinburgh at the corn exchange. thanks so much to everyone who came, it's so near the end of this album tour/campaign/whatever, it all feels a bit strange. firstly i just wanted to apologise for 2 things, 1 being the fact that our set was cut so short at get loaded. another band had over run with their change over so we had to loose about 3 or 4 songs which was a shame, and secondly to people waiting outside the corn exchange.i came out straight after the gig and saw a bunch of people and signed some stuff and i wanted to come out again later but pretty much collapsed in the dressing room and passed out for a bit, i've caught an infection that was going around at leeds and after the gig it took me out and i felt so sick. i went straight to the bus and into my bunk to sleep."
Aw, Katertots -- may we call you that? Great. It's okay. Of course it's okay! We understand. But thank you for being honest.
"anyway, i really loved the gigs, thanks to everyone who came for being part of it. and thanks to emmy the great and the cribs for playing too. 2 gigs left now and then i'm off to record some demos, learn to drive, and maybe buy a cute bunny."
Why can't all the celebs write this cute in their diaries? I guess they need a perfect side-bang, a never-ending stock of granny dresses, and a perfect break-up pop song to get it right.
With the announcement of John McCain's VP selection still fresh in the air, there have been some concerns about Governor Sarah Palin’s lack of experience. With that in mind, we offer the following list of eight females with more political experience than Republican Vice Presidential nominee Palin.
8) Angela Lansbury
At 83 years old, Angela Lansbury has garnered the respect of about five different generations. She's also well remembered for her portrayal of Mrs. Iselin, the manipulative political puppet-master in The Manchurian Candidate. Not a hugely impressive political resume in and of itself, but it's more than compensated for by the fact that a McCain / Lansbury ticket is destined to be dynamite with older voters, and also deflect the Democrats' attack of McCain's age since he will look spry by comparison.
7) Emma Thompson
Playing the fictional version of Hillary in Primary Colors should be enough of a resume to make Emma Thompson a reasonable choice in McCain's attempt to steal as many of her supporters as possible away from Barack Obama.
Even though Hillary says she backs Obama, what if a more charming British version of herself were running alongside McCain?
6) Penny Johnson – 24 (Sherry Palmer)
Sure, aside from also being fictional, the vast majority of her political experience was of the more scheming and manipulating variety. Still, you can't discount the fact that she was a part of Senator Palmer's historic campaign to become the first African American president.
5) Geena Davis
Nineteen episodes as President Mackenzie Allen on the canceled TV show Commander and Chief trumps two months as governor of a non-contiguous state. Though stepping down to Veep could be seen as a demotion, you have to remember it's not like she was president on The West Wing or anything.
This post is for everyone, whether you're a West Coaster just waking up or an East Coaster who's been dealing with the Sarah Palin VP announcement for several hours now. I'm downright shocked at McCain's appalling, pandering selection (of a very talented politician and generally likable lady, it should be noted) in hopes that us members of the woman-herd will hop on board. And that's all the cheap, thoughtless ranting I have to spare right now. I need a distraction and this cup of 50/50 turpentine-coffee mix and thoughtful commentary on the Diane Rehm show isn't doing it for me.
But I think I know what might help: a shocking news roundup. Let's try to think about something meaningless for a while.
Dita Von Teese is the new Wonderbra spokeswoman. Shocking not because she doesn't look beautiful in lingerie, but because even Dita would have a hard time classing up the world's trashiest bra.
David Duchovny is a sex addict. Douchey response: "And this is a problem for who?" Appropriate response: "His family, jerk."
Diaper saves falling Brazilian baby. The nappy snagged on a protruding security spike. Cartoonists and unlikely stunt coordinators the world over are vindicated.
Vogue to release iPhone fashion week app. The surprising part: it's not a collection of Anna Wintour videobytes telling you to lose 20 lbs, ranting against Rachael Zoe and getting her bangs trimmed.
One hopes that grandmothers will never stop passing down--or forcibly applying--their folk remedies. Vicks Vapo-Rub, garlic for immune boosts and a well-placed hand massage to alleviate a headache aren't likely to stop being useful anytime soon, especially if health care continues to cost an arm and a leg (don't forget to detail that loss of limb on your claim, thx.) Consider this remedy the grandmama of 'em all when it comes to great results: Epsom salts prevent cerebral palsy, according to the U.S. National Institutes of Health!
No longer for swollen ankles and drawin' boils, good ole' magnesium sulphate is now just fine for making sure your child doesn't have a crippling neurological disorder. All an at-risk mom needs is a little shot of the stuff, and the chance of baby having CP is reduced by almost half. Grandmas: good for bitching about kids these days, making sure kids these days are fully capable of being as irritating as possible, should they be so inclined.
Each season has its fashion mission. In the fall, reinvention is key -- back to school and new trends abound. Winter's all about keeping warm, as evidenced by the popularity of Ugg boots, since it's certainly not about looking good. Spring is about rejuvenation, slowly taking those winter warmers into better climes. And summer? Summer's about dressing like a freaking weirdo.
Shorts? Merely legless pants. Tank tops? An emaciated T-shirt. Flip-flops? Hardly a shoe at all. The clothes of summer are bizarre enough on their own, but add in current trends and you get fashionable people turning into fashion victims. They're not all bad, of course, but it wouldn't be an HD list if I couldn't talk some smack. Here for you, the top five best and top five worst trends of summer.
WORST!
5. Rip-off "FRANKIE SAY RELAX" slogan tees - These first hit the streets back in '07, but this year saw the Summer Of Slogan, where every fraternity, sorority, recreational sports league, camp, office picnic and substance abuse support group made their own interpretations. ANDREA SAYS STOP.
4. Flip-flops with knit dresses at night - Ladies, you spent four hours on your hair and makeup so you could go gyrate on your BFF at a bottle service club in hopes that some dickbag would take you home, but you couldn't be bothered to wear even a pair of flats? A hot pair of shoes can make a cheap Target frock go to an 11. If you're that bad at hitting the town in heels, stay home.
3. Square plastic retro sunglasses in neon colors - Honey, do these shades make me look like a butt? Yes, honey, they do.
2. The new Nike running shorts with the weird curve stitching - Every sporting goods store in America suddenly stopped carrying every other kind of athletic short ever made. That's the only reason I can think of to explain why every sorority girl, gym-bound housewife and jogging obsessive wears these things all the time. Their ubiquity is gag-worthy.
1. Headbands worn halo-style - When you wrap a tight piece of fabric around the top of your head, it makes your crown look greasy and your ears stick out. Also, this usage contradicts the purpose of a headband: to hold hair out of one's face, not to ensure it falls into it. Equally offensive on both men and women. Easily the most impractical, sweat-ensuring style of the season.
Are you wearing the HD best of the best? It's after the jump.
The level of twisted detail on these guys is just amazing. Plus, it makes me want to break out my old ponies and create art. Sure, you were fun in your day, ponies, but what have you done for me lately? Instead of collecting dust, you could be sporting pleather or saving the universe with your cinnamon bun hair. To Spippo, the deviant pony artist, I say an official "OMG, good job."
I can't be the only one who had baby chicks in her elementary school science class that hatched, looked sticky and fuzzy and adorable, then got shipped off to the farm. Sure, we learned about how little animals get made, but I for one couldn't face a chicken nugget after that. Then again, I've been vegetarian since middle school, so maybe I did learn a lesson.
What that lesson is: robotic animals are clearly better than real ones! That's why Think Geek is currently selling this robot chick, which apparently stands three inches tall and "cheeps, chirps, and flaps its wings in response to being petted." Well that's just too cute -- and feces free! Plus, it'll never grow up and turn into chicken breast.
Over the past several weeks, I've developed an allergy I never knew I had. It's highly specific and hard to treat based on the unpredictable nature of the attack. The allergern? That stupid new Zyrtec commercial where the friendly, unassuming woman starts off by saying, "You know that song, Time In A Bottle? Well, I got time in a bottle." And I'm not the only one with the affliction -- several of my girlfriends have voiced their hatred for this commercial independently and unprovoked. It may be one of the most irritating femme-centric ads of all time. Let's watch.
Forget the fact that starting anything with a rhetorical question is highly suspect. No one in the whole world is less likely to be a Jim Croce fan than this woman. Is the ad really targeted at women, anyway? Or maybe, specifically, female Jim Croce fans? Any Jim Croce fans out there at all? Bueller? I don't mean to insult Croce's ouevre, but what worse tribute could there be to an artist's work than to blandly reference it in the course of talking about your allergies? The issues with this ad go on and on and on.
You know the end of this blog entry? Well, I got the end of this blog entry. Ah-choo.
According to Wired News, German biologists studying shots taken of cattle and deer by Google Earth have discovered that those less-cuddly-than-they-look animals have a natural sense of direction. Thanks to their inborn herd instincts, they tend to stand with their bodies aligned perfectly north/south. It's like they're secretly magnets, or compasses, or cud-chewing GPS machines. And you know what that means. The next time you're lost driving past a field of cows, check out which way they're facing and you'll find north. I think.
What's really cool about this discovery isn't how cattle would make natural adventurers (yeah, they look like they'll get on that real fast) it's how a web technology like Google Earth made it possible for us to figure out something so low-tech -- something we'd never be able to guess without shots of cows from outer space. Who would've thought cows were the future? The furry, adorable, milk-filled future...
Greetings from Seattle, Heartless Doll readers, where I'm reporting from the 2008 Penny Arcade Expo, a video game convention that last three days and draws thousands of proud, proud dorks like myself to this cloudy city. So far, the big events of the day have included the opening of the expo floor -- also known as the land of colorful swag and even more colorful cosplayers -- and a keynote I'm missing as we speak because it conflicts with a panel called "Girls in Games: the Growing Role of Women in the Games Industry." Yes, for the first time all day there is more than one other woman sitting around me in a five foot radius. Observations so far:
I can't be the only one who had baby chicks in her elementary school science class that hatched, looked sticky and fuzzy and adorable, then got shipped off to the farm. Sure, we learned about how little animals get made, but I for one couldn't face a chicken nugget after that. Then again, I've been vegetarian since middle school, so maybe I did learn a lesson.
Moo. OK, now that that's out of my system.